Problem grows dearer, answer's not nearer
Than I would like it, that's lame
To that, I'm seeing, so that's why I'm heaving
This hefty box around all day

I need to use my portaloo
There's no guarantee there'll be some kind of bog
Within a short run after eating a hog
I do get some looks, sick of one brow raised high
But I'll hold my ground, they're just jealous, that's right
They want one too (they do too, they do too)
Want my portaloo
They do too, they do too
Want their own one

My own convenience means more inconvenience
Most doors mean a real tight squeeze
Space that it's taking results in fast braking
It's right in the walkway, they seethe

"Why can't you move that portaloo?"
They're so inconsiderate, I'm so appalled
They don't understand that I can't risk a fall
From trying to book to the bathroom in time
I'll haul this thing round, you can't use it, it's mine
You want one too (yes, you do, yes, you do)
Want a portaloo
Yes, you do, yes, you do
Want your own one

Ugh, you're all so rude
Rrrrgh

Need my seat nearer, I can't be clearer
Surely you've dealt with this pain
Am I consid'ring a diaper? You're kidding
Cause that's gross, man, please go away

Just let me use my portaloo
And please don't ask me where the waste I make falls
I don't know myself, for you to have the gall
Makes me wanna puke so could you stand aside?
Don't block the damn door, need my non-soundproofed shite
In my own loo (it's too true, it's too true)
Need my portaloo (get your own loo)
It's too true, it's too true
Get your own one (my portaloo)

Need my dump