My arse got bitten
By every type
Of things that bite
A painful feeling
That pulses like mad
It drives me mad

Staring at the doctor before me
"Take your pants off - ooh, that's painful"
So it goes, examine all my wounds
Just on my behind
Reaching for something in his pocket
So sharp I can almost feel it
Though it's not yet on my skin

See the bites on my skin
No one else has been hurt this bad
Only I've suffered this shit
Really hurts, really hurts
They nearly tore off my lips
Drenched my pants in urine - soakin'
Sev'ral places torn wide open
Monday is when this crap happened
When all of me got bitten
Ow
Oh, oh

Some bits are missin'
One of my eyes
Pieces of my thighs
Ears are in bits 'n'
Nose hangs off my face
Thread of skin makes it stay, oh

Staring at me, Dr. Nick, he thinks
Thinking of a diagnosis
I'd say "mauled-by-mammals-iosis"
Just a thought of mine
Yeah, it's a mouthful, but it does work
Enough of my thought processes
I am still bleeding, you jerk!

A band-aid on my skin
Ain't enough to heal all my wounds
Better just to seal me in
A big cast, a big cast
And now I can't feel my hips
Cover me in strips of cotton
Soaked in that plaster of paris
Don't think that I can move again

Got an itch on my skin
Someone else may scratch it for me
Moving my arms hurts a bit
Just a bit, scream "oh shit"
Dog teeth damn tore through my hips
Super painful as it happened
Tore the sinew-things wide open
I'm not sure what to call those things
That, like the rest, got bitten
Oh, oh

(Staring at the TV above him
Maybe looking out the window
Let the sun just barely show itself
Behind the damn clouds
Reading a book 'bout canine training
To help when he's out in six months)
Where is the part on dog teeth?

Plaster stuff on my skin
No one has been mauled this badly
Only me, or so they say
Would they lie? Would they lie?
Wait, my ears were badly bit
Can't quite heard what does get spoken
Dog did quite a number on 'em
That day was quite a painful one

Feeling pain through my skin
I should not have pissed off Fido
Cause that mutt has lots of friends
Nasty friends, nasty friends
Won't throw a ball at his bits
What I mean just can't be spoken
This don't mean that I am chicken
Just can't move my jaw, it stings
It, like the rest, was bitten
It, like the rest, was bitten
It, like the rest, was bitten
Ow, ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow, ow, ow