Oh shit, not where I should be
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap

I know that you've been waitin' for me
Since half-past two-o
I tried to call ahead but my phone ran outta jui-uice
Somehow you remain patient with me
You keep your coo-ool
If it was me having to wait
You would be so friggin' screw-ewed

I'm never on time gettin' here
Never for the same reason, it's true-ue (it's true-ue)
Maybe I just slept in, oh dear
Or ev'ryone in traffic was a dou-ouche (big dou-ouche)
Maybe the time I thought I had
Was not in the slightest way true
Thought I wrote it down
Lost one of my important widgets
My phone disappeared, I'm screwed
But we're used to this nonsense, you and I

Always tardy, come in through the door
Heads turning around, and they're looking bored
Always tardy, not surprised, instead
They just roll their eyes and mutter "he's late again"
Always tardy, never once on time
Just a minute late, sometimes twenty-eight
Always tardy, would get on your nerves
But it's a constant in this sad world
I'm always tardy

I burst in looking like a twat at quarter past three
Meant to be here at two, don't ask what happened to me
It's quite a long and boring and quite stupid story-y
All I'll say is that it involved drugs and a monkey-ey

I know that I should've been here
At the very latest ten past two-o (past two-o)
But instead I blunder in here
Shirt not buttoned-up, smelling like a zoo (a zoo-oo)
No job at the drop of a hat
If it was anyone but you
In charge of me now
Instead you're unnat'rally patient
So I'm not in deep doo-doo
Used to my crap, nowhere else would this fly

Always tardy, it's become a bore
No-one here cares now, when I'm at the door
Always tardy, they've all adjusted
Their schedules accordingly, that's so nice of them
Always tardy, I'm never on time
Something on my face, or no parking space
Always tardy, can't find a clean shirt
You're more lenient than I deserve
I'm always tardy

Got new co-workers saying this ain't fair
I can come late, if they dare
They'll be in trouble quite deep
It makes no sense to me
Is my work ethic so good
You'll turn blind eyes to me?

Always tardy, burst in through the door
Papers flying 'round, smelling like a boor
Always tardy, no-one gives a shit
Except how late I am cause someone's taking bets
Always tardy, only flaw of mine
My work's always ace, never a doucheface
Always tardy, still I'm good at work
Thanks for trusting in me, Mein Führer
I'm always tardy

Oh cra-ap, oh cra-ap, oh cra-ap, oh cra-ap, oh cra-ap
Oh-oh-oh-oh cra-ap
Always tardy
No matter the reason, I'm just always tardy, buddy
I'm always tardy
Always tardy
I got distracted by a weird bird
Always tardy
Always tardy