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Song Parodies -> "Stubbled Bloke"

Original Song Title:

"Bubble Toes"

Original Performer:

Jack Johnson

Parody Song Title:

"Stubbled Bloke"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Stock video game protagonist ahoy!
It's a constant recurrence as far as I know
Default guy I can pick is a stubbly bloke
Made of meat, gritted teeth, a rough arse, glarin' hard
And his skin is all covered with scars and dirt marks

It's as common as platformers by Nintendo
What a standard to follow, still makes lots of dough
Had my fill of these muscle-bound louts, yes, I'm good
Will they stop it? Never, I doubt they could

I remember when you would see, mmm, some variety
That was then, now it's just a wall
Of men who can't smile at all

There must be some kinda reason
That nearly ev'ry single one of the shooters I'm seein'
Blanks what I've drawn, but I can think of so many problems that can come
With this standard face
Not really controversial, pretty sure I'm not the first to notice
80's action basis leaves a trend that's just a little racist

It's as common as that "chest-high wall cover" trope
Where the protaganist is a stubbly bloke
Refugee from 90's comics, not a whole lot
Diff'rences in cover art, blows
And la, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da, la

I know one could debunk my claims easily
Point to tons of damn games that have varied PCs
Or you could simply argue I don't know shit
The point is to have a blank slate protagonist
The gameplay is the real focus, design don't mean nothin'
But bro, I'd say no, that's just dumb
Design's a real focus, doesn't mean nothin'
You know what should go? The same crud

It's as common as bugs in Bethesda games, so
That means if you don't think, you'll avoid all the lows
But if you use your brain, then you'd find it's not good
To be a re-user of all these
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da, la

These are the games I'm skippin'
That overwhelmin' pile? Won't be missin', won't miss 'em, see
Shooters, hack 'n' slash? Skippin'
The same beefy white guy, won't be missin', won't miss 'im, see

He's as common as crossovers with Mario
Squinty-eyed, always pissed, gritty stubbly bloke
Won't be seen on my screen, TV or laptop for
That aesthetic makes me snore, blows
And la, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da
La, da, da-da, da-da
La, da-da, da, da, da, da, la

TBH, my non personal lack of purchasing these kinds of games has less to do with any kind of protest and more to do with my more lax spending habits game-wise and the fact that the games that have this stock protagonist are nearly always in genres I don't care for (shooters, hack 'n' slash, the less whimsical RPGs) so my distaste is more wanting other people to have more choice and better experiences, if that makes sense.

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
 5   3

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