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Song Parodies -> "Real Nerds Don't Cry"

Original Song Title:

"Big Girls Don't Cry"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Real Nerds Don't Cry"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "United State of Pop" self-challenge. A wannabe-macho hardass decides to yell at a nerdy forum for daring to feel sadness at a thing. Because some people are stupid. Enjoy!
Yes, you made an account only just now
But you're ranting 'bout stuff you know jack about
You've got some really crazy nerd-dom standards, buddy
"No mentioning tears ever"?
Trollin' me, please, it's plain to see

Most nerds I know, most nerds I know
Will always admit when they feel blue
When a show brings tears to our eyes
We'll tweet 'bout how we all went boo-hoo-oo
So to say that we should all be unfeeling slabs of bri-ick
Well, not "say" because you're all-caps all the time
You're ranting that we're "big boys" now
And "real nerds don't cry"
Such lies, such lies, such lies

All the points you're makin'
Disproved on their own
For one, we're not all boys, so there that point go-o-o-oes, 'fraid so
Second, our age demographic is quite varied, okay?
And yet ev'ry post you post repeats your claim

"You're all such jokes, all of you schmoes
No grown-up talks 'bout their feelings, dude"
No change at all, the same each time
And thus they're all quite far from the tru-uth
We're part of the sub-culture that made "feels" a damn buzzwo-ord
So with mushy-gooey crap, we're all quite fi-ine
We may be big boys and girls now
But real nerds do cry

Making yourself look like a complete arse
Calling us "wimps", have a heart
Are you always this wannabe-macho? And why-y?
The myth than real men can't cry isn't true-ue
Real men admit to their blue-ue-ue-ues
And to try and force this crap onto a bunch of "nerds"
Trying the easy target, bro?
I'm sa-ad to say but we're all quite
Far from your av'rage scrawny poindexter
So you see we are not pansies, yeah-eah

Why won't you go? Pack up and go
Cause we want nothing to do with you
We're all above fake-macho lies
You've got some re-assessin' to do-o
And we don't care if you think we're all "crybaby wanke-ers"
Because real maturity lets all men cry-y
I suggest you just log out now
And let real nerds cry
We cry at times, goodbye


While I can't recall if I've read about this specific thing has happened, the idea that men shouldn't express sadness is a thing I've seen, so I wouldn't be surprised if it has happened somewhere. It's like a rule of the Internet: if you think that no-one is that stupid, someone is and is worse than what you're thinking.

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Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 4

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