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Song Parodies -> "Business"

Original Song Title:

"Business"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Business"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

1600TH PARODY, Y'ALL! And as is my tradition, I have taken a song I parodied back when I was stupid and inexperienced and re-parody along a vaguely similar topic. Last time I twisted the title to be about, well, poop. I did say I was stupid and inexperienced, right? Anyway, this time, it's a different twist, that being the CEO of a failing, well, business completely, well, failing to get why his, well, business is, well, failing.
"Bankrupt"? Can't be what this thing says
Holy crap, we'd better forget this whole day, we'll make things right
To the Cashmobile, let's go
Bankrupt! Bankrupt!
Interns and secret'ries! It's go time!
Hurry, hurry, shut right up
Never mention that little memo
With that word (Bankrupt!)
It's all a ruse, you see? We don't need help to succeed right now
So without further ado, ignore the truth (Bankrupt!)

We must rebuild this, tip-top shape's what I'm shootin'
For, stop for nought, no-one's more honest
More flawless than your perfect boss is
Zip your stupid gob, get our stocks up (fast!)
I'm no fat cat, I'm like you, honest
Oh God, someone filled up my office
With all that damn red tape, go excise it
Can't make a profit off you all if the limits
Keep suffocatin' me, a big gyp
*Ahem!* Yeah, sure that word's a bit shit
Can't deal with more lawsuits, son
We've got a lotta debt to get undone, so

Let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
All of our stocks have gone down, they're circlin' round
The drain now, we all need a big lift (hell yeah)
Let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
Our profit margin's gone down, it's deep underground
Must dig down and perform a big lift (hell yeah)

Quick, gotta think fast, gotta use more syllables (ooh)
A paradigm shift, synergy pinnacle
We all know it's bullshit, pile of buzzword nonsense, don't shoot off (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
To any press-type individuals (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Let's get on the move, let me do what I do best
Think you won't be impressed? Just watch my ass do it
Goin' in spin doctor, hopin' it
Will look air-tight and quit unlike a pile of bogus shit
I get hated on, just because all I say
Is "I'm hated on, did nothin' wrong", makes those government spooks pick things up
They make it all up, there's no such thing
Bet some female with good looks refused my peen
Out for me, I abhor those who keep score
People I'm insultin', they'll soon get what for
I've been rantin' on, so I'd like to welcome y'all
To not dare recall those awful parts, c'mon now

Let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
All of our sales have gone down, hear plummetin' sounds
Gonna drown unless there's a big lift (hell yeah)
Let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
Our reputation's gone down, we get laughed at now
All bummed out, in need of a big lift (hell yeah)

Think of the old times, when nobody you know (ooh)
Would just think of scandals when our name is spoken
Inescapable? I think we're capable (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Won't play on my fiddle like Nero, Nero (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Give it a few months, I bet the world will forget
Even the cesspit that some folks call the internet
All that we need would be a pitch of a new product to sell
People steppin' over people like that Black Friday hell
Cause we'll make 'em need what they've seen been screened on TV
We'll make so much green, we'll seem so leafy
Maybe then those hippies will leave me
If it's that noxious, makes one queasy
Just from one breeze, you see, it's easy
To breathe, please be three feet away, green freak
Think I can be some genie, not that easy
If some morons croak, I won't grieve, please
No time to fear the sheer damage, it's mere collat'ral damage
No need to frown round here
Cause we aren't gonna fall down, drown fears
Okay? (Hey, boss?) Shut up, man, just sell (sell where?)

Now let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
Wait for the memes to go down, lose their steam somehow
They'll work out we're due for a big lift (hell yeah)
Let's get down to business
We don't have the time to play around, what is this?
How could my, OUR wealth go down? I meant "our" right now
Don't quote now, miss out on our big lift (hell yeah)

So there you have it, folks
(Bankrupt!) will soon be yesterday
You'll see all our stocks raise
It will remind you that foolish tricks won't pay
Won't be (Bankrupt!), like, no way, on top, we'll stay
And never go away until retirement age
Which I may have to raise (Bankrupt!)
So until next time, friends
Same job fare, same cash channel
Good night, everyone! Thank you for coming!
Not paid for this evening (Bankrupt!)
Oh! Heh

My original thought was to make this about an entrepreneur trying to start a business despite knowing nothing about anything, complete with turning the "Marshall" shouts into "Start-up", but then I went in a completely different direction. That's how these things go sometimes.

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