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Song Parodies -> "Talking Bollocks"

Original Song Title:

"Marshall Mathers"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Talking Bollocks"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

TFW you're stuck in a party where you know no-one and know nothing about what they're yammerin' about.
You know, I just don't get it
I try to be somebody, post all the time on Facebook
So anybody wants me to come 'round and just talk or somethin'
They won't talk to me, they blab to each other
I'm outta here

Because I hate talkin' bollocks (talkin' bollocks)
Won't be a popular guy, but that's alright, cause my brain's intact, see (brain's intact, see)
They started about four ho-urs before, they're still goin', stab me (someone stab me)
I wish that I could friggin' understand what they're on about, search me (you could search me)

Whenever they're talkin', I'm smilin' and noddin'
There's no point in coughin' to try and make 'em pause
And explain just what's so damn bad about ten dollars
Offered for washin' a tiny load of dishes, sounds awesome
When I do dishes at home, I get one buck, man
But I didn't catch if they meant it was their job thing
Feel like an idiot if they meant minimum
Wage and shit, then I would see what the big deal is
I won't open my face to tell 'em to stop it
It's not worth it just because I don't watch shit
Don't keep up with the Kardashians, don't care 'bout 'em
But they shouldn't have to change up their convos around it
Still, it's shit that they keep talkin' without stoppin'
While I sit back and just watch and just feel boredom
I came around on their invitation, a path to stardom
But their clique won't accommodate my own diff'rent fandoms (goddamn it)
I know it may seem like I'm flip-floppin'
But this shit won't quit, it stinks, cause they ain't stoppin'
I'm tryna be no dick, but they're just all pricks
Feel my I.Q. fallin' just listenin' to 'em talkin'
All I hear's nitpicky gossip and they're smilin'
So many secrets they're findin' out, so tall, they're pilin'
So many titbits they're gabbin' about, can't stand 'em
Damnable asshole-ish behaviour in my book, wish I was bookin'
On and on they talk about pointless shit, who's got the best outfit
And they can't wait 'til they catch any celeb in public, they will love it (hahaha)
Makin' my eyes shut tightly (uh-uh), famous people, right? Not likely (no)
They wouldn't like a public sightin' (haha)
To get the paparazzi on their tail, fightin'
Not like they have feelin's, so who cares? I'm tryin' (nah-nah)
To not punch all of these real annoyin' jerks
Such a void inside their head, I abhor their quirks
If I rip their ears off, I fear my position will become unclear
I can't punch 'em out, cost is too dear
So I must throw that thought away
And just allow them to be so very inane (I can't stand it)
Plus, if I let 'em get all their stupid prattle to run out
Then they might switch it up, ask me what I find fun now
Thought was runnin' round inside my head, I know that's dumb now
Cause wow, can they stretch their gossip the fuck out
Look at me, runnin' my mouth again
Just cause it hurts to keep this smile lookin' decent
I'm desp'rate for help, this is hell, should've ignored that mail
The in-crowd's the bad guy in cartoons, red flag sails
They're shameless, their tactics are heinous
I'm gonna need more wine to hear more of these brainless bastards

Cause I hate talkin' bollocks (talkin' bollocks)
But I'm no popular guy, I can't just shout at 'em, call 'em out, see (call 'em out, see)
Cause they won't listen to me, you know, cause they will shut out me (they'll shut out me)
So I might wanna run my mouth, but they have the sway here, not me (got sway, not me)

I'm feelin' rather lonely, cause nobody round here knows me
They all keep talkin' shit, ignore me, discuss Buffy
First I thought "Now I'm on top, because such
A topic's my bread and butter" I guess not
Because I found they drag it down because it's "so nineties"
No friggin' shit, geez, that's when it was made, dummies
Oh, they haven't watched a clip, so petty
I'd never bitch about shit that I have skipped, that shit makes me tetchy
I can't do shit, I gotta quell my feelin's
May be total tossers, but I've a rep I want livin'
Shit, when the fuck'd I go and pick up the habit
To suck up to dudes who hate what I do just for social status?
I don't know shit, but it stinks, stuck here standin'
Will somethin' happen?
Is this some kinda new-guy-hazin'-type plan?
Fake "self-esteem sated" and then ignore my face? Well, that's ass (uh)
So tell me, what the hell is a fella to do?
If I say I know their game and it turns out it ain't true
Will I look like a douchehole? Cause they genuinely might've forgotten
My base presence, my, would my face be blushin' (lame)
Or if I'm right, would they then think that I've cheated?
Might toss me out on my rear seat, then I would feel so defeated
Crap, ev'rybody is laughin' out loud
I missed a joke now, if I'd heard it, would I laugh now (hey)?
I should be knockin' off, gotta stick to my plan
Now that it's quite clear that this ain't my scene, I got work, man
And worth it? This ain't, so I'll dash
I tried to, at least, but someone reached right out and grabbed
My arm and then asked me why I looked bored as hell
And she seemed really swell, seemed rather swell
Way she looked at me looked like she was distracted, oh well
Ahh fuck it, I'll give 'em one more chance, what the hell

Though I hate talkin' bollocks (talkin' bollocks)
I'm just a regular guy, all that I want's to be treated nicely (treated nicely)
If you just give me a good in to talk, then I'll get all smiley (get all smiley)
I'm now regrettin' how I shut my mouth, thanks for the way you grabbed me (way you grabbed me)
So I'll try talkin' bollocks (talkin' bollocks)
I'll be a popular guy and then maybe you might try out Buffy (try out Buffy)
Your celeb talk was really meant to mock? I guess I'm the dummy (I'm the dummy)
Our preconceptions had us trapped in doubt, we'll both admit that gladly (say that gladly)

Oh-oh-oh here, oh-oh-oh here, oh-oh-oh I ask myself, what am I doin' here? Oh-oh-oh here, oh-oh-oh here, oh-oh-oh, and I can't wait 'til we can break up out of here

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Pacing: 5.0
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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

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CML - June 16, 2017 - Report this comment
You got a mere 3 thumbs up and no prior responses for this monumental effort, TCOP? Something is wrong with this website

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