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Song Parodies -> "Stagger Through the Dark"

Original Song Title:

"Dagger Through the Heart"

Original Performer:

Dolly Parton

Parody Song Title:

"Stagger Through the Dark"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Don't drink and drive, kids - it's illegal! Drink and walk - eh, it's legal, but not advisable - here's why:
Oh, I drank out tonight with my buddies
Now my eyesight isn't exactly sharp
But all the booze made my sight muddy
And so I stagger through the dark

Well, I thought one more glass wouldn't harm me
And I drank it all down with a laugh
Now I'm tripping on cracks that aren't there, see?
That's how I stagger through the dark

Now it's trees that I'm constantly hittin'
Because I cannot see quite that far
It's my fault, I can't see thanks to drinkin'
And now I stagger through the park

If my keys were not lodged up my arsehole
I would drive to my home really fast
But I might drive straight into a sinkhole
That's why I stagger through the park

Oh, I know I'm a fool to keep drinkin'
And I've made vomiting quite the art!
Stumble 'round, now it's parked cars I'm hittin'
And so I stagger through the dark

Then I stagger through my car*
Home at last!
*As in through the windshield. Code is the ATC - Australian Tapital Cerritory! Wait...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Matthias - April 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Another booze parody Conquerer? This one you weren't lucky enough to accidentally post it on Saint Patty's Day, but it was still good, although it raises the question why are you writing so many drunk parodies lately? Maybe that's just the joy of being a teenager...
Matthias - May 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Another drunken Dolly Parton song... Booze must be a top topic for country parodies.
Max Power - May 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Boozed up
Agrimorfee - May 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Matty is right on about country boozin' parodies...i could see this as a Rev. Billy Wirtz or Roy D. Mercer track.
Wolverine - May 14, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Funny, but I don't think this one was quite as funny as others I've read from Conqueror. I did like "Now I'm tripping on cracks that aren't there, see?"
Below Average Dave - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Well, slight comment on your opening statement--maybe not in Australia, not sure, but here in Florida, it's called "Public Intoxication", and you can be fined for it and taken in and held for detox, though you are usually released when sober. You also made a comment in the end referring to a line about staggering through a car. The only problem is if recorded, no one would see the asterik, so have to point that out. My favorite line was getting the keys lodged up the arsehole, that got a laugh out of me, and it'd actually be a good way to keep this character from driving (better his arsehole than his hands, doesn't need to be on the streets). Solid pacing, don't think the idea was carried to capacity, and the OS didn't give you much to work with, so it's decent, you are working in better lines, just need slightly tougher OS's. I also liked the tripping on cracks that aren't there line. . .very cool
Invisible Boy - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Well, I don't know anything about the ATC so I'm totally lost on this one,

Only kidding !!!
The pacing was good and you did have some funny lines,
CoP...I've seen several "drinking" parodies from you lately. "You're Drinkin" Too Much And It's Breakin' My Heart"...Hey, that sounds like a country song...
Rex - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Love the title sub. I can see the difficulty in trying to come up with a dark/park rhyme for the finish, but the "car" line just didn't work for me.

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