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Song Parodies -> "Can't Move My Legs"

Original Song Title:

"Lose My Breath"

Original Performer:

Destiny's Child

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Move My Legs"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Basically this parody is what's been going on in my life since the Thursday before last. 2nd June, that's it. Here's info about Guillain–Barré Syndrome. Guillain–Barré has four syllables, BTW. "Gwee-lan-bar-ray". Got that? Oh, and ZOMG is pronounced "Zo-my-god". Blame Vangelus.

I can't keep up
I'm annoyed, I've got heavy legs
They are void, no use in my legs
It is hard just to move my legs (Ow, ow)

They just seize up
When I walk up the stairs, damn legs
Then I fall, hurt my arms and legs
It's so hard just to move my legs (Ow, ow)

I put my leg there, there's a tingling feeling in my shoe
These are just the facts, but I don't mean to bore you
Why is this thing happening right now to me
Got to walk to my school, damn you
Legs that don't work in the way I'm used to

I'm cringin' when I get on the bus, I'm tellin' you
I step up, my leg seizes and I can't move
For a second but the pain shoots through me
Like arrows shot by Robin of Loxley
All this I feel, can't take this, shoot me

Next day wake up
ZOMG, I can't work my legs
I can't crawl, that's how much they're dead
Now it's harder to move my legs (Ow, ow)

Strength is effed-up
Takes an hour to sit with these legs
Lost the pow'r to stand up, damn legs
Now my arms are crap like my legs (Ow, ow)

Both legs they work less, too hard tryin' to sit up, dude
Now my fingers can't open a water bottle, simple screw
I can tell you it's very embarrassing
Also can't crawl, that's very distressing
Take me to the doc, please, 'fore my mind gets cracking

I canna stand up, Dad's here, he's tryin' to lift me, oh
The progress is slow 'cause I'm 83 kilos
My arm's around his neck, hope it's not breakin'
My body's shakin', now I am in the wheelchair sayin'
"Oh man that sucked, let's get to prayin'!"

So we drive up
To the doctor to check my legs
Now I drop, 'cause my legs are dead
It's so hard to deal with my legs (Ow, ow)

Dad wheels me up
To the lobby, I rest my legs
Wait so long, I can't move my legs
Well I can, not a lot, so yeah (Ow, ow)

Now I'm wheeled up
To the doc, asks me 'bout my legs
We talk lots, to sort out my legs
Guillain–Barré effed up my legs (Ow, ow)

Doctor looked up
What was wrong with my bloody legs
He looked on Wikiped-ya, yes
Kinda odd, can you fix my legs? (Ow, ow)

When I move, it hurts, say oooh
In my calves or my bum
WHat ticks me off most, I can't wiggle my toes
When it hurts I will say ooh
Tell you man, this ain't cool

Lying on a comfy mattress
Hospital, I hope that they can fix this (echo)

Now I wake up
In the hospital's comfy bed
Order noms, small boxes I check
Sometimes can't order good food, feck (Damn, damn)

Food fills me up
Need a bottle to pee in, yes
You did not need to know that? Well
That's just part of my life now, yes (Aah, aah)

People come up
See me lots, keep me happy, yes
And we talk, I'm a happy Seth
Sometimes cards, sometimes noms, oh yes (Nom, nom)

Time to wrap up
End this song, cause I'm out of breath
Not because of this disease, nyet
I'm just tired, is this over yet (Hah, hah)
I'm doing quite well, in case anyone cares. Due to go into rehab to get my strength up any day now. Wish me luck! ;)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Syncronos - June 15, 2011 - Report this comment
I wish you a speedy recovery, and one piece of advice from a veteran of hospital stays: Don't eat too much of that hospital food. That stuff'll kill ya
bobpiecheese - June 15, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks Syncro. The food here's actually pretty good. I've lost 4 kilos, a fact I'm going to remedy once I get home ;)
Rob Arndt - June 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Sorry to hear about your condition. I am dying myself and know about leg problems- both of mine have constant blood clotting, poor circulation, edema, neuropathy, and bad veins. I am 47 but feel like 87 some days when I am bedridden or walk poorly. But my legs are nothing compared to my damaged heart and respiratory system. I wish you well. God bless you Sir. 555 too!!!
Abbott Skelding - July 08, 2011 - Report this comment
I'm really sorry to hear about your condition. I hope that you get better soon. This parody I'm sure was a nice way to vent as it was very imformative as well. Nice work!
Max Power - July 15, 2011 - Report this comment
That sucks...especially with problem with the legs and all. Here's a 555 mg of morphine, good work by the way.
Wild Child JIN - July 20, 2011 - Report this comment
SOTM: No pulling my leg with parody, and sorry about your condition too. :-( But here is three 5's to help make you feel better! :-)
Blaydeman - July 25, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Man that sounds aweful, sorry dude :(. Hopefully you're doing better now, good luck with your rehab man :).This was really good! Very funny and informative. I also write to vent, it's very theraputic. Great job! Feel better.

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