As time goes on
I'm startin' to think it's not "you're prone to irritability"
No, I realise that all the things I do end up pissin' off ev'ryone round me
So I'm gonna take some time out
To apologise for things that I've done
Whether you've learned about them yet
Or been there for years, dumb's what I have an affinity for

I'm sorry that I tried to knock down your home
Just because your phone has a dumb ringtone
I'm sorry my pet fly flew inside your nose
I'm sorry that I hacked your tumblr, bad joke
Afraid I didn't know it's aimed at teens
If I did, I wouldn't have filled it with peens
I'm sorry that I fried your last paycheck
I'm sorry that I tried to break your neck
I'm sorry that I stole the last fresh bun
I'm sorry I keep sayin' your face is dumb
I'm sorry that I tossed your clothes in the air
You said you didn't mind, that you could not care
That was sarcasm? Geez, well, I feel ashamed
I'm sorry that I ruined your weddin' day
By showin' up in a suit made of birds
Then knocked your boo out like a total jerk

The simple fact is I have problems
Ev'rybody that I know
And their mates and even blind dudes
Are aware that I'm a schmoe
If I can apologise for all my wrongs
Then we can move on, maybe
But if you can't, then that's okay
At least you've put the blame on me
Once you've put the blame on me
Then the fault will stay with me
Ev'ryone knows to hate me
Cause you put the blame on me
It's fine to put the blame on me
Go ahead, put the blame on me
It's fine to put the blame on me
Don't pause, put the blame on me

I'm sorry that I picked out your clothes for you
As if you're five instead of near thirty-two
I'm sorry that I filled your pockets up with sand
Then I got flamethrower-y to make it glass
That wasn't bright of me, shoulda known that trick
Would not have worked because of base physics
And it would've hurt, hot flame on your bits
Priorities of mine are askew, you see
Blasé attitude ain't fair, that I know
I'm sorry that I ate all the food in your home
I'm sorry that I slapped you in the face with beef
I'm sorry that I replaced "love" with "queef"
I'm sorry that I pinched you on your ass
Without express permission, thought you would like that
I'm sorry that your bike got trashed today
I'm sorry that your fish tasted really damn great

I think I've got my share of problems
Ev'rybody needs to know
That there's no excuse to find, dude
I just don't know what's a joke (real joke)
I need to apologise for all my wrongs
So that we can move on, please
If you can't, that'll still be great
At least you've pinned the blame on me
Once you've pinned the blame on me
The fault will remain with me
The whole world will then hate me
Cause you pinned the blame on me
Alright to pin the blame on me (ooh, yeah)
Just peachy, pin the blame on me (ooh, yeah)
It's fine to pin the blame on me (oh)
Don't stop, pin the blame on me

I'm sorry that I filled your bed with peas
Sawed the legs off while you were still asleep
I'm sorry that I set all your frogs free
When I get real bored, I go on a spree
I'm sorry that I tied you up with belts
Then used the last one left to give welts
I'm kind of a big jerk, all of my fun
Involves the pain of others, that's how my brain runs
I'm sorry that I got the bar shut down
Cause I spiked all the liquor with grease I found
Seven years ago in your fridge, cause, hey
Those dicks wouldn't let me drink for free that day
It isn't that I think that they should take blame
Just want the facts out so they're on display
Still think the things I did were fun and great
But since you've got that gun, I'll take that blame

I won't put the blame on you (on you)
Cause I know you're trained well, dude
I feel real ashamed, it's true (oh)
Not fearin' pain from you
Go 'head and put the blame on me (on me)
Should really put the blame on me
I deserve the blame on me (blame on)
Put down that gun, put blame on me (blame on me)

I'm fine with all the blame on me
Not just cause of what's aimed at me