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Song Parodies -> "B/D, Or Not B/D"

Original Song Title:

"To Be, Or Not To Be"

Original Performer:

William Shakespeare: Hamlet

Parody Song Title:

"B/D, Or Not B/D"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Author's debate: Capitulate to kinky mate, whose intimate, degenerate, desire's great, for deviate, ecstatic state, aka B/D/S/M (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism)? Hope this "highly intellectual" parody isn't "BARD" by CG -- Hey, just tryin' ta get more folks ta read Shakespeare! :)
B/D, or not B/D -- that is the question:
Whether 'tis better on the bod to suffer
The stings and slashes of sadistic Mistress
Or to take hand against a sea of semen
And by swift stroking, end it. To stroke, jerk off --
No more -- and by "jerk off" to say we end
The hard ache, and the thousand throbbing veins
That bone is heir to. 'Tis ejaculation
Devoutly to be wished. Jerk off, beat meat --
Beat meat -- perchance to cream: ay, that's why rub,
For when we sleep alone, wet dreams may come;
Make mattress sticky, like thick coat of oil;
Get goo on paws. There's the eject
That makes calamity of kinky wife.
For who would bear the whips and chains of Jane's,
The lash so long, wear women's costuming,
The pangs of paddle's pains, climax delay,
The forceful oral service, and the burns
That Bottom's bottom of Domme lady takes
When he himself might his climactus make
With a mere hand job? Who would floggers bear,
To moan from threat from pussy-whipping wife
But that the dread of yet another mate,
The undiscovered blind date, adult site
That Internet returns, muzzles the male,
And makes us rather bear the bitch we have
Than fly to others we've not met yet?
Thus horniness makes cowards of us all
And thus the sticking to one's resolution
Is unsticked more by fetishistic thought,
And evil women, wanton witches' torment
With this regard their servants make comply
And give them satisfaction. -- Look out, now --
Ms. Dominatrix! -- Nymph, in thy riding crop
Are all my sins remembered!

The "Dane of Pain". OS (Original Soliloquy) here. © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   2
 3   2
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin rhodes - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
nice spearshakin'
John Barry - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Something's being hoisted here, and I don't think it's a petard. You drive a hard Bard-gain, TT. Wonderful wordsmithing.
Ravyn Rant - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh, my! 555
TT - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
alvin, John Barry, Ravyn, thanks.
Tokusou Sentai Blessranger - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Wait a minute. I thought that reminds me of weak and strong buttons (B and D) from the SNK video games.
TT - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Tokusou Sentai Blessranger, sorry for the confusion.
Red Ant - March 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil Alexander - March 25, 2006 - Report this comment
'Tis mete... that we may meet the meat. I would say you obviously used your head to write this one, but you might get the wrong idea ;-)
TT - March 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Red Ant, sounds ominous; do you know something that I don't? Thanks...
Phil Alexander, 'tis neat, phoneme repeat... thanks.
Stuart McArthur - March 27, 2006 - Report this comment
"perchance to cream" was just eagerly sitting up there with its hand up wasn't it, TT? - great stuff - 555
Paree Dee - March 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Master, your merry mettle has undone me !
TT - March 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart McArthur, thanks.... yes, very grateful to Billy Shake for setting me up so well 400 years ago.... (same with "wet dreams may come")... Paree Dee, thanks to merry maid for comment!
Hamlet - April 01, 2006 - Report this comment
'Tis a terrible quandary, indeed: To spank, or shank the skank?
T - April 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Hamlet, thanks, good one, and glad to hear that the reports of your death were greatly exaggerated.
Johnny D - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
A Bard Man is wood to grind?
TT - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Johnny D, really good one, man. Love yer sense a Yuma (i.e.,ability to navigate Arizona) and puns, so glad yer back.... 'cept fer rippin' SBDs detectable 1000 miles away, of course....
Mark Scotti - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
"Whats thou, fair maiden, tannith mine hind well...." Doth recieves fives...
Tommy Turtle - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: What's in a dame? Her blows, by any other cane, would feel as sweet..... thanks for read, v, and c!
Merstress - October 09, 2012 - Report this comment
No swives incur the prick aside of my intent, but only wilting contrition; such bear whips and welts and bow down to suffer
tommy turtle - October 10, 2012 - Report this comment
thank you, Merstress. may i have three more (fives), please?

other hymnal to Domme Perignon: (and do you Domme Peregrin? ;)

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