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Song Parodies -> "TV, Or Not TV"

Original Song Title:

"To Be, Or Not To Be"

Original Performer:

William Shakespeare: Hamlet

Parody Song Title:

"TV, Or Not TV"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Describes the author's difficult internal struggle after reading John A. Barry's "Vast Wasteland" series. Tried to be as true as possible to the OS (Original Soliloquy).
TV, or not TV -- that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Vain Vanna's vowels on the "Wheel of Fortune"
Or to raise arm against a sea of silly
And by remote click, end it. To click, turn off --
No more -- and by "turn off" to say we end
The heartburn, and the thousand stupid schlocks
TV has aired, too. 'Tis a termination
Directed to my dish. Turn off, could sleep --
Could sleep -- or eat ice cream; ay, entire tub;
Though TV air "Macbeth", commercials come;
But we can shut it off; ad portal, foil;
Or "mute", or "pause". There's disconnect
That helps us tolerate such inane ads.
For who would bear the tips on stains from Tide,
Soap sponsor's song, the limp man's Viagra,
The Tang of ersatz juice, the time delay
Re: incident of Jackson, and the urns
That Janet offers, bared by Timberlake,
When he himself might peace and quiet make
With a mere "off" click? Who would farters bear,
Who grunt and sweat in ads for laxative,
But that the dread of something in "real life",
The pesky world that's "out there": - in faked shows,
Reality returns; scares us to still,
And makes us rather bear such shows we have
Than fly to real life that we know not of?
Thus laziness makes cowards of us all,
And thus the thousand lines of resolution
Are sicker more with weak crew, cast, and plot;
And enterprisers' putrid pitch and sales spiel
With this regard, on sofa make us stay
And sit in numb inaction. -- Look you, now -
Fair Angelina! Nymph, in thy areoles
Are TV's sins dismembered!

© 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   2
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I gotta' tell ya'...I really enjoyed your "Shakes Beer"
alvin rhodes - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
nice soliloquizin'
John Barry - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
TT talks of tales told by videot, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing. Avon, T! 5s
Rex - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Video! Video! Wherefore art thou video? This is awesome.
Lord of the Fries - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
"As flies to wanton boys, are words to Turtle;
He flips them for his sport."
Adagio - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I like it, Tur-tle! And here I was writing one about stupid tv ads. 5's
TT - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
AFW, alvin, John B, Rex, Lord, Adagio, thanks for your comments. Do I dare Dane to answer? (ok, that pun sucked. Hamlet - Dane - deign- yuk - back to the drawing board, TT.) Hope I'm not "Bard" from this site.
Stratford Upon Adam - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Tommy, what can one say? You know your Shakespeare and your TV.. As for those responsible for Reality TV all we can do is shout, "Off with their heads!"
TT - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Stratford, agree completely re: "reality" shows, and thanks.
Arwen - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
All things "Hamlet" hold a special place in my heart...=) Great job...
Red Ant - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
I hardly miss anything on TV - it's mostly crap, reruns, and, especially in VA, inaccurate weather forcasts. To five or not to five - there is no question.
Serafina - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow... you nailed this one, dude! I don't watch as much television as I used to either; I especially miss the classic shows that I grew up watching. :( Here's another perfect vote for ya.
TT - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Arwen, Red Ant, Serafina, thanks.
RA, forecasts are just as bad elsewhere; and nice comeback, phrasing the voting decision :)
Larry Hensley - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I do say this is a most enjoyable parody.
Agrimorfee - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
A gas, for sureth! You did this well!
TT - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Larry, Agrimorfee, thankest thou.
Johnny D - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
A Bard Fan is good to find.
TT or not TT - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
John D, good mot, John D, there is no question. Hey, this version of my signature would make a good parody idea for you!
Tommy Turtle - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment
John Barry, I just got the "Avon, T" ("avanti") pun, almost a year later. The tortoise is slow, but gets there eventually...
Walt Conner - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Alas, T. Turtle... he has done well, Impresario... a fan of internet jest. 555
Tommy Turtle - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
QUEEN GERTRUDE: Walt Conner doth jest, and much, methinks.

HAMLET: Yes, and with clever word.

TURTLE OF DENMARK: Excellent quippery (?), Sir, to bat back lines from the same source -- and belies your unworthy modesty in comment to "Bind And Tie Her Tight". With that kind of (equally-warped) mind, your songs are going to show outstanding AIR-head-ery, and very soon. Thanks for v/c.
Jay-Z - May 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Really ...'TT'......What are we high school kids...Sorry 'TT' but I have to go 'PP'
Tommy Turtle - May 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Jay-Z, say what? ... didn't quite get the comment... some problem with using initials in responses? -- better tell AFW (I mean, AirFarceWon)... anyway, thanks for reading, and looking forward to explanation of the comment/complaint.
Fiddlegirl - August 23, 2009 - Report this comment
"O, its [TV's] offence is rank, it smells to heaven....Words, words, words...Go, bid the soldiers shoot; the rest is silence."

"You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will more willingly part withall-- except my remote..." ;)
Shakesbeak - August 23, 2009 - Report this comment
But hark! What words through yonder comment break?
It is a Feast, and Fiddlegirl likes my pun
Arise, fair Fid, and spill the envi'ble tune
As AIR's already thick with disbelief
That thou, new maid, should write so artfully
Be not afraid, that they be envious;
Thy best delivery is so rarely seen
And none but fools do "One" it; flip them off.
My tribute's lady, O! to write thereof
O-bama, blasts from her!
She writes, and 'tis a fun thing: oh, how phat!
So AIR endorses; I vote/comment it
As Fives unfold; in sets of three from geeks
One of the fairest stars in Chucky's heaven,
Seeing her whiz this, such complete surprise
It sprinkles me with tears, her puns, discern
What wit arises there, in pretty head!
The brilliance of technique would shame our "stars"
Wordplay, quite, does she vamp; and lightly leaven
Us through the AIR-y region; gleam so bright
With words (her "thing"), the rest of us, delight
See, how she gleans so chic a pun, so grand!
Know that I, songs thereof, am such a fan
Of talent, One, unique!
Doc M - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
555! This reminds me of the movie The Cable Guy with Jim Carrey. I love it.
Tommy Turtle - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Doc M: This might be the first time I've ever seen "Shakespeare" and "Cable Guy" connected (lol), but thanks for the vote and comment! (how did you find it, if I may ask? - curious, as it's over three years old). Pleased to meet ya!
Glen S - March 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of good prose in here, but especially enjoyed 'Vain Vanna's vowels' and ENTIRE TUB!
Tommy Turtle - March 31, 2012 - Report this comment
Glen S: Thanks for citing one of the author's own fave lines, esp. when OS "outrageous fortune" was changed to "the Wheel of Fortune".... better watch that "entire tub" stuff, or we'll lose you prematurely to atherosclerosis LOL. ... Thanks for v/c.
Meriadoc - September 15, 2012 - Report this comment
My favorite line was: 'tis a termination directed to my dish' :D

And you've given me an idea (she says sheepishly...)
Tommy Turtle - September 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: Also one of the author's faves! Great minds run in the same channel -- or gutter, as hinted by your ovinespiration. .... I have an idea what the concept/title might be, but won't say -- no spoilers for others. Or I'm wrong. (gasp!)

btw, the reply/parody to Fiddlegirl was in fact posted as a parody a few days later. It's not changed from what's above, but some of the commentary was witty, clever, and generally cool, so should you get bored some day (or not get "bored", and need some way to "fill the void" -- best quit while a head here), it's

Thanks for following the link to the parody that eventually displaced the "feminine hygiene" parody (with your name in it, though not as shout-out) that had topped the charTTs for 4+ years. Who'da' thunk it? ;-D

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