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Song Parodies -> "What Child Is This? (WARNING: Highly Irreverent)"

Original Song Title:

"What Child Is This?"

Original Performer:

William Chatterton Dix

Parody Song Title:

"What Child Is This? (WARNING: Highly Irreverent)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

VERY Politically-Incorrect -- downright blasphemous, actually. If that is not to your taste, *please* go back to the home page, pick another parody, and stop reading *now*.

OK, now that the room has cleared.... For my fellow anti-PC sleazeballs, "Thar' she blows!" (but wouldn't that have prevented a new religion from forming? ... Just asking.). Concept, title switch, and first verse all composed when I was about ten years old, which explains a lot. Been waiting an awful long time for someone to invent the WWW and host a parody web site. ... oh, and Merry Christmas, everyone! [1]

What child is this, on Mary's lap?
Who spits and burps and takes a crap
Soils his diapers; won't take a nap
It must be baby Jesus

I chanced upon her one morn
Shortly right after He was born
"Why, pray, is your flower not torn?
"Have a child, not having been laid in?"
("Have a child, remaining a maiden?")

Said she, "Forsooth, 'twas a scary night
"I'm a virgin who misses the wooing
"The Holy Ghost was a Hellish fright
"Got knocked up without pleasure of screwing"

"All night with the King of Kings
"But then treated like a pariah
"Next morning, from phone: no rings
"Single Mom, with the future Messiah"

Quoth I, "Poor dear, said affair, more tears
"Oprah-soap-op'ra-ish melodrama
"Be patient, please, for two thousand years:
"His descendant: Pres-end-ant Obama!"

[1] Merry Christmas! ... Astronomical evidence, e. g. the supernova (bright star) that the Wise Men saw, places Jesus' birth some time in August. Norse festivals celebrating the passage of the winter solstice and return of the Sun from the depths sorta got thrown into the mix along the way. Who cares? "Peace on Earth, good will to everyone" is a good idea year-round. Peace, TT

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Medemia - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
As a pastor, I think this was a little less irreverent than you think it was. We glorify the baby beyond normal baby activities and Mary beyond carnal desires, forgetting that they were both human. I did enjoy the messiah jab at the end too :)
Patrick - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Reminds me of literature from the old Garner Ted Armstrong "World Tomorrow" radio program. Shepherds would not have been tending their flocks in the open in December, etc. Had Jesus not done the normal baby things, he would have been noticed much sooner as someone extraordinary. Also a bit of DaVinci Code, what with Jesus having physical descendents. And the spelling "Pres-end-ant" Obama? Could he be the last one? (By the way, the spell-check still underlines the name "Obama" as something not quite right.). I'll have to go back and listen to the original song and see if I can match the rhythm. I once knew some atheists who would have appreciated this parody.
Maude (aka the ghost of Bea Arthur) - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
God'll get you for that, TT.
Fiddlegirl - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Must have been "something in the water"... there and wherever you are, you "Chelo-donian Laddie".
Timmy1000 - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I've seen ones more irreverent than this - some good points. Medemia has a good point as to what matters.
AFW - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
You get a five, five, five blast-from-me
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Medemia: One would think that a faith that is truly strong could laugh off a few comedic jabs, but it seems that some people are rather touchy. Obviously, yours is strong. Thank you for your tolerant attitude, which IMHO is *truly* Christian, and for the vote and profound comment. ... btw, is that nick a contraction of "Me redeem ya?

Patrick: Depending on the browser or word program, you can usually right-click the word and click "Add to dictionary" -- or are you saying that even the dictionary knows? LOL! Thanks for v/c.

Maude: I've already been gotten (in many ways). Game plan: keep Satan laughing so hard that the stay won't be too unpleasant :)

Fiddlegirl: How TF (the fiddle) did you know about my ancestry??? Yours too, probably, based on Monday's Co-sack-ing of HLG. :D ... and I've played a few instruments, but never the Chelo. Will try to do better on Wednesday, which can be my Judgment Day before thee.

Timmy1000: Thanks... for v/c, and for being another who knows what's important.

AFW: Thanks for blastfromous comment and vote!
gRavin' Idol - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Don't mess with my messiah, LuciTur! Just 'kid'ing! Great parodical take on that whole mange, er, scene! Who's next, Islama-schizm or Zorro's ass sir?
`alvin - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
holy smoke
Medemia - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Actually, Medemia is Koine Greek (common Greek in New Testament times) for "No One." I've always like the idea of being "No One in particular" and loved the name, so it stuck. Keep them coming.
Old Man Ribber - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Even though I scored you 5-5-5, I waited to comment. This is not anti-PC...the last target allowed in this society is Christianity. The PCs will tolerate a slur more than anything. I am not outraged...I hope God has a sense of humor. If he didn't, would he have created you and me? lol ;D
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
gRavin' Idol: I do believe I've already sent up modern Muslim fanatics several times (no plugs), and, according to an erudite reader of another of moi's, the ancient Persian Zoroastrianism was much more tolerant than the present-day rulers. (no plug there either, unless requested). Cyrus the Great of Persia freed Jews from captivity in Babylon and returned them to their homeland, e. g. Too bad they didn't stick with that religion or attitude. ... I know 'twas intended f-ass-each-us-ly, so thanks for v/c!

alvin: thanks (lol)

Medemia: Thanks for the explanation. I've always wanted to read it as "Macademia", but you didn't seem like a nut. :)
@Fiddlegirl - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Actually, I was hoping it would become accepted as the Even Newer Testudiment, but no luck so far. Maybe tomorrow....
Ann Hammond - August 06, 2009 - Report this comment
What about the the chorus?
TT - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Ann Hammond? What chorus? Truth: I worked this from memory of Allan Sherman's parody of "Greensleeves". Sorry if anything omitted ... I'll pass it on to Allan when I see him some day, somewhere.

Old Man Ribber: Must have been composing and posting my reply before seeing your comment. Can't argue with your analysis lol! (Woody Allen said that if there is a God, He's a huge underachiever. Considering the state of the world.. ) Thanks for v/c!

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