THERE IS A BAR I KNOW DOWNTOWN

There is a bar I know downtown
That’s open all the time.
Behind its doors are beer-soaked floors,
Believe me, it’s a crime.
And in the darkest corners,
Are things you cannot see.
Take my advice and don’t think twice,
It’s best to let things be.

I’ve heard it said that late at night
Police are often called.
They look for thugs who sell hard drugs;
I’m really quite appalled!
But if you’re there for eating,
You won’t like what they serve.
It’s all so cold (so I’ve been told);
They’ve got a ruddy nerve.

The barman doesn’t give a damn,
He’ll con you if he can.
He’ll charge too much because he’s such
A vile, dishonest man.
He hasn’t any scruples;
He’ll water down your beer.
He spikes the drinks; the whole thing stinks!
Do I go there? No fear!

So if you like a quiet drink,
You’re better off by far,
By staying in to drink your gin,
And don’t get in your car.
You won’t have all the hassle;
You’ll find it’s cheaper too.
Hear what I say, enjoy your day,
And you’ll be glad you do.