MY OLD MAN WENT WALKABOUT

My old man went walkabout
Sometime Monday morning.
Came across a teenage lout
Who hit him without warning.
Left him with a bloody nose,
Ran off with his money.
Then what happened, Heaven knows,
But it wasn’t funny.

Tuesday he went out again,
This time on his scooter.
Crashed against a red brick wall,
Went and broke his hooter!
Then he called an ambulance,
But he waited hours.
He was shitting in his pants,
So they gave him flowers.

On the Wednesday, out he strode,
Off to post a letter.
As he went to cross the road,
Well, we should know better.
Didn’t see what knocked him down,
But it sped off faster.
In the surgery back in town,
Had his arm in plaster.

Thursday came, and my old man
Said he felt much brighter.
Though the morning started dark,
Soon it got much lighter.
Foolishly he grabbed his coat,
Made it to the doorway.
Didn’t look, and smashed his throat,
Now he’s in a poor way!

On this Friday he’s at home,
Feeling rather queasy.
But he’s taking our advice,
Just to take it easy.
I just hope you do the same,
Hope you see good reason.
Then you’ll have no-one to blame.
Live your festive season.