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Song Parodies -> "The Emergency Call Waiting Song"

Original Song Title:

"Twelve Days of Christmas"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"The Emergency Call Waiting Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

After hearing on the news that the emergency services call-out times were unsatisfactory, I thought this might be appropriate...
On the first ring of waiting for my emergency
A burglar broke in and robbed me

On the second ring of waiting for my emergency
Two drug-crazed hippies
And their dealer broke in and robbed me

On the third ring of waiting for my emergency
Three doped-up junkies
Two big alsatians
And a bent copper came and robbed me

On the fourth ring of waiting for my emergency
Four-nicating youngsters
Three used-up condoms
Two odd positions
And some kind of a shoot for page 3

On the fifth ring of waiting for my emergency
Five more rings
Four-ced entery
Free-loading ****s
Too annoyed for words
And another bastard came to rob me

On the sixth ring of waiting for my emergency
Six nasty stab-wounds
Five bleeding holes
Four stitches needed
Three tetanus jabs
Two pints of blood
In a transfusion needed for me

On the seventh ring of waiting for my emergency
Seven drinks for comfort
Six wounds a-bleeding
Five bloody towels
Four-bearance needed
Three-zing my balls off
To-urniquet tightened
And a virtual lobotomy

On the eighth ring of waiting for my emergency
Eight guys arrested
Seven wounds a-bleeding
Six months remanded
Five years to serve
Four failed appeals
Three years' remission
Too well-behaved
And they're out, now they're out to get me

On the ninth ring of waiting for my emergency
Nine nine nine dialed [or 9-1-1 if you prefer]
Eight wounds a-bleeding
Seven fingers missing
Six on the floor
Five fingerprints
Four-ensic science
Three suspects
Two or less arrests
And some cop film that's on the TV

On the tenth ring of waiting for my emergency
Ten pints of lager
Nine wounds a-bleeding
Eight odd intruders
Seven swingers swinging
Six geezers laying
Five dangly "things"
Four fingers used
Three-some with Rover
Two running cameras
And a DVD copy for me

On the eleventh ring of waiting for my emergency
Eleven double-brandies
Ten wounds a-bleeding
Nine bottles, broken
Eight glasses splattered
Seven saucers smashing
Sick's heaved all over
Five minutes' peace
Four what it's worth
Three hours for clean-up
Two bins full
And a phone that still rings endlessly

On the twelfth ring of waiting for my emergency
Twelve large tequilas
Eleven wounds a-bleeding
Ten pimps a-pimping
Nine dealers dealing
Eight kilos smuggling
Seven mill for laundering
Six gangstas shooting
Five hours on hold
Four-gotten why
Free-zer full of dope
Too pissed to think
And then the police at last answered me...


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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   12
 11
 11
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
what an ordeal...lol...5s
carol - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
a perfect killing of the OS. 555
Arwen - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Very VERY funny..."Three-zing my balls off," LOL!!
Kristof Robertson - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
You got through on only the twelth attempt?....lucky bass turd..;-) 555
Rex - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
And I'm sure the police wished you a very Merry Christmas after showing up. Hope you're still alive to read these comments, 'cause this was a fun read!
PMS - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Three fives for you!!
Scathe - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
AWESOME Phil, 3 well-earned 5's for you.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice concept. Liked the 'fore, free, too' combinations.
Claude Prez - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Especially liked the fours. Great stuff!
Spaff.com - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Now that's my kind of 12 Days parody.
Phil Alexander - November 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, all :-)
Alvin - What, reading it?
Claude - that's fourtunate...
Spaff - sure is. I got the "let's make it really hard work by doing different ones every verse" idea from the CD (which has just gone back into the car as an antidote to all the nauseating "Christmas is coming" garbage)
Leprechaun - September 13, 2007 - Report this comment
and you survived this HOW?!?! it's a wonder they didn't kill ya on the way! 555!

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