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Song Parodies -> "Countess Báthory Bit Hard"

Original Song Title:

"Good Kind Wenceslas"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Countess Báthory Bit Hard"

Parody Written by:

Diddims

The Lyrics

A distant relation of Vlad Tepes, Countess Erzsébet (Elizabeth) Báthory (1560-1614) of Hungary bears more resemblence to Count Dracula than Vlad, in that Elizabeth not only tortured her servants, but also reportedly took blood baths and drank blood to gain her youth. A highly sadistic woman, and supposedly bisexual, her prime targets were maidens, especially if they were particularly attractive. Most of them were peasant girls, but Elizabeth preyed on some young ladies of lesser nobility than her... which eventually led to her discovery. Dorka (Dorottya Szentes), Ilona Jó (Helena Jo), Fizcko (Janós Ujavary), and Damien Thorko were her main accomplices.*This is grim. I'll warn you.*
Countess Báthory bit hard,
On the neck of Branka,
Then the blood flow'd round about,
Thick and red the sangue;
Spilling blood of peasant girls,
Báthory ordered them whip-ped,
Whips whistling with mighty swirls,
And their flesh was rip-ped.

"Hither, Dorka, stand by me,
If thou know'st it, telling,
Yonder peasant, who is she?
Where and what her dwelling?";
"Madame, she lives in yon village,
Underneath our power;
Our home, the Castle Čachtice,
Providing a blood shower!";

"Bring me maids, and I shall dine,
Bring me some pins hither:
You and I will hear them cry,
Then we watch them whither.
Ilona Jó, procure them!";
Forth they went together;
Thro' the rude wind's wild lament
And the bitter weather.
"Madame, winter 's colder now,
And the wind blows stronger;
Fails my heart, I know not how
They can live much longer.";
"Strip this maiden, my good maid;
"Gainst frigid winter's breezing:
Pour iced water o'er her head
And's she'll die from freezing!"

In her lady's steps she trod,
Where the stairs lay bloodstained;
The torture chamber cold yet hot
With caged girls, pained.
Fizcko, Thorko, bring that one,
Fair despite her scarring,
To the spiked orb, give me fun-
Her flesh will shred through jarring!

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Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

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Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 03, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS so I'm not voting but I'll give you a tip instead since you're so into this subject; there's a song by the name "Countess Báthory" by Venom, I think it's on the "Black Metal" album from the early 80s. I was a fan of theirs for a while but not enough to rebuy the albums when I gave up my old vinyl-player for good (or maybe giving up on black metal should be referred to as "for God", he-he...). Anyway, I remember it as one of the better tracks.
Susanna Viljanen - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Good history parody. The counts of Barthory were screwballs in many generations, and Betsy was no exception of her blood-line. Every history phreak knows the Bloody Betsy.

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