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Song Parodies -> "The Battle Hymn of the Atheist"
Original Song Title:
"The Battle Hymn of the Republic"
Original Performer:
Traditional
Parody Song Title:
"The Battle Hymn of the Atheist"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
Hmm... this one might be considered a trifle provocative - if you do feel like arguing, though, the best place for it is to follow the link at the end.
Mine eyes have seen sod all that's emanated from the Lord
And if He's really there the human race has been ignored
Excuse me if I don't believe in heavenly reward
His "truth" is just a con
I've read old and new testaments - it's been a kind of cause
So many contradictions and so many hopeless flaws
It's hard to credit this old tripe has caused so many wars
His "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
I have read a fiery Gospel and that's full of crap as well
It was writ a hundred years after events of which it tells
And if you think this Truth, then you are gullible as hell
This "truth" is just a con
OK, if He's omniscient, then why the need to pray?
'Cause if He does know everything, He knows it anyway
And if He's that omnipotent, why are things not OK?
His "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
There's no statistic proof that anything is changed by prayer
So He either doesn't listen, or He simply doesn't care
The logical deduction is there's simply no-one there
His "truth" is just a con
Now, please don't be offended if you don't like what you've read
But try and think about it - yes, I mean think! Use your head...
And if I'm wrong - I guess I'm gonna find out when I'm dead
If "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
And if He's really there the human race has been ignored
Excuse me if I don't believe in heavenly reward
His "truth" is just a con
I've read old and new testaments - it's been a kind of cause
So many contradictions and so many hopeless flaws
It's hard to credit this old tripe has caused so many wars
His "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
I have read a fiery Gospel and that's full of crap as well
It was writ a hundred years after events of which it tells
And if you think this Truth, then you are gullible as hell
This "truth" is just a con
OK, if He's omniscient, then why the need to pray?
'Cause if He does know everything, He knows it anyway
And if He's that omnipotent, why are things not OK?
His "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
There's no statistic proof that anything is changed by prayer
So He either doesn't listen, or He simply doesn't care
The logical deduction is there's simply no-one there
His "truth" is just a con
Now, please don't be offended if you don't like what you've read
But try and think about it - yes, I mean think! Use your head...
And if I'm wrong - I guess I'm gonna find out when I'm dead
If "truth" is just a con
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
Fairy story - what's it to ya?
His "truth" is just a con
PS Any theists who'd like to argue the toss, click here
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 5 | 6 | 6 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 3 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 5 | 3 | 4 | ||||||||
| 4 | 18 | 11 | 12 | ||||||||
| 5 | 34 | 40 | 40 |
User Comments
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Right on, right up my alley. I have about twenty "anti religeon" original songs that I will someday collect into the missing Bible "Book of Okra" Good work! No offence here.
Love it! Very nice job, Phil!
You need prayer, not compliments on this awful (content-wise) piece of work. You are very talented but need to apply your talent to worthier writings.
OK, someone who knows... can you point to a single error or logical inconsistency in the above? And as for needing prayer, I think the penultimate verse expresses how much difference that'll make...
I'm praying this makes it to the top ten.
Im not at all an atheist (Im just a Roman Catholic who doesnt exactly do everything he should according to his religion)...anyway, this was well written even though I dont agree with it...I just find it funny that this apears on the sam day that we were discussing this in my Philosophy class
Phil, as has been said..you are talented, but of course I don't at all like the content. What you need is faith.
"There's no statistic proof that anything is changed by prayer So He either doesn't listen, or He simply doesn't care" So you must agree with the book of Ecclesiastes, then? You remember it from when you "read the whole bible" don't you?
I don't believe in atheism. Agnosticism? I haven't made up my mind.
The battle rages on. But I do believe, even though I don't attend church anymore.
Phil That is absolutely brilliant. Agree with every word. Keep it up !!! P.s. Isn't it about time you did an album ??
Very thought provoking. In response to your "penultimate verse," we do not pray to enlighten God, we pray so that we might better understand His will. Many times when it appeared that God did not answer my prayers, it was I who was not listening to and not caring about His response. May He continue to bless you.
JJ and Adagio - thank you for having the respect to sign your own names, rather than the somewhat childish "poor thing" and "someone who knows"
I wouldn't say I've memorised the Bible, but I do agree with some bits of it: it's in Ecclesiastes the bit about "the wise man dying just as the fool dies" or something similar - absolutely right. I didn't say there was no truth (note the small "t") in the Bible, but there are so many inconsistencies that to insist that it is integrally and accurately the "Word Of God" cannot possibly be; and if it is not ALL true, then how can it be "Truth" (with a capital "T") if men have decided which bits should be used and which shouldn't.
To summarize: if there actually were one Truth, we wouldn't see so many different religions and so many different factions within each religion all claiming to be just what God wants them to be. Men (and it's usually men) have made up the stories and made up the rules - no wonder nobody can agree what they should be.
I wouldn't say I've memorised the Bible, but I do agree with some bits of it: it's in Ecclesiastes the bit about "the wise man dying just as the fool dies" or something similar - absolutely right. I didn't say there was no truth (note the small "t") in the Bible, but there are so many inconsistencies that to insist that it is integrally and accurately the "Word Of God" cannot possibly be; and if it is not ALL true, then how can it be "Truth" (with a capital "T") if men have decided which bits should be used and which shouldn't.
To summarize: if there actually were one Truth, we wouldn't see so many different religions and so many different factions within each religion all claiming to be just what God wants them to be. Men (and it's usually men) have made up the stories and made up the rules - no wonder nobody can agree what they should be.
Faith and proof are in prophesy. Where else but in the Bible have you seen so many things prophesied thousands of years previous that come to pass. This is how I am sure that someone listens to prayers. As for all the other doctrine and religious beliefs in the world you just have to remember that there are two sides fighting a spiritual war and the stakes in this war is everyone's immortal soul. So choose as you wish or choose nothing. I have made my choice and I will respect anyone elses. I really believe that you will become or arrive at what you choose or do not choose. God gave everyone free will. What you do with that will determine your fate. I have done here what I believe God wants of us who do believe. I planted a seed. This is all anyone can do for his fellow humans. God does the cultivating. Remember He wants us to have free will. The choice is yours.
Mine eyes predict the onslaught of a couple-dozen 1's. But not from me, of course, dear Phil; congratula-shee-uns.
Spaff - :-)
I did expect 1s from the ranks of Christianity
But was surprised by comments hid with anonymity
I guess that is a function of their insecurity
'Cause I'm right and they're wrong
Guy - much as I enjoy debating these sorts of things, this ain't exactly the forum for it...
I did expect 1s from the ranks of Christianity
But was surprised by comments hid with anonymity
I guess that is a function of their insecurity
'Cause I'm right and they're wrong
Guy - much as I enjoy debating these sorts of things, this ain't exactly the forum for it...
I'm a pantheistic fetishistic morals-dodging guy I can make amends for anything and just before I die I'll renounce all of my prior sins, to Heaven I will fly Phil's truth is in his song.........d;:^)
Phil - The statement I made was not meant to spark debate. It was meant to end it. I am almost certain that if you had an answer for this you would have presented it here. The comment has been standing for three days now and no one has challenged it.
OK, Guy - in Nostradamus' writings (though only hundreds rather than thousands of years) there's loads of ambiguous piffle which can be interpreted as current events; but if you're thinking about some of the things JC did as fulfilling prophecy, then the simple answer to that one is that he did them in order to tick them off his messianic prophecy list - after all, he knew the prophecies, too.
Tell you what, Guy - make the same comment here (http://pub157.ezboard.com/fmememachineforumfrm3), and see how long it takes to be challenged.
Tell you what, Guy - make the same comment here (http://pub157.ezboard.com/fmememachineforumfrm3), and see how long it takes to be challenged.
Bob - that's very good, indeed (why not finish it off?): I guess it also shows how silly some of the rules are...
No need, Phil. You've made the point more expertly than I ever could, and congratulations for sparking a lively debate. d;:^)
Phil - Somehow I knew Nostradamus would be brought into this, in fact my son predicted it. I have one thing to say about ND. 1984.
OK - I'll let you say that indeed as you put it 'JC' filled in his own scorecard, which I would never agree with. How do you account for all the other prophesy that has come to pass that 'JC' had no part at all in? Since you have read the entire Bible you should know this.
And I told you. I did not make that comment to spark debate. I reiterate that the Biblical prophesy is flawless and this is how I know someone IS listening. Why do I need to inject my beliefs onto that website you are inviting me to visit? I do not have to defend what is obviously Devine Word that cannot be disproved by anyone, contrarily it stands on its own by its own flawless track record. The choice to believe or not is still yours.
OK - I'll let you say that indeed as you put it 'JC' filled in his own scorecard, which I would never agree with. How do you account for all the other prophesy that has come to pass that 'JC' had no part at all in? Since you have read the entire Bible you should know this.
And I told you. I did not make that comment to spark debate. I reiterate that the Biblical prophesy is flawless and this is how I know someone IS listening. Why do I need to inject my beliefs onto that website you are inviting me to visit? I do not have to defend what is obviously Devine Word that cannot be disproved by anyone, contrarily it stands on its own by its own flawless track record. The choice to believe or not is still yours.
All-laa-huu ack-ba-a-arrr!! Excellent rhyming, but if there is no Christian god, can Muslim god still exist?
I think you can probably guess my answer to that one, Susanna...
Wow... nice work! I missed this one till just now. 5s, from a fellow nonreligious-leaning person.
A druid... just love the different battle songs!!
Just checking a few of your back works here Phil; loved this one. Do you mind if I paraphrase your Oct 13th, 2003 comment in an upcoming parody?
Thanks, Red Ant - of course you may (just re-read it, though, and it's not one of my better-scanned offerings... you may want to paraphrase so that it sings better ;-) - or ask Bob G if you can take his: IMO, that one was brilliant).
That might just have been the worst song I have ever heard. I am totally against anything but Christianity. You need to be arrested for writing that song. It says in your song that you'll find out when you're dead, well I hope it's before that.
:-)
Arrested for what, pray? Blashphemy? Or simply for telling the truth?
Why is it that so many of you Christian types feel the need to hide behind an alias when posting on my atheist parodies?
Arrested for what, pray? Blashphemy? Or simply for telling the truth?
Why is it that so many of you Christian types feel the need to hide behind an alias when posting on my atheist parodies?
Phil - sorry, hadn't seen this one of yours before - it's right up there with Madonna wearing a crown of thorns while attached to a cross (I now like Madonna for more than her unbelievable 47-year old body.) Someone suggested you need faith - yeah, right - that and $2 will get you on the NYC Subway but not guarantee that you won't be a victim of terrorism while riding it. Never understood the "holier than thou" types - you can kill ten people, find Christ on your deathbed and the fundamentalists will say the person is going to heaven; write a parody like yours, never find Christ and your doomed to hell - where I understand it's hot as hell. If god wanted to spread the word, why is it always through some guy on the subway preaching salvation? The US is now a theocracy because of these nutballs who make up god in their own image. Just the other day Pat Robertson was talking to the Lord and, if he "heard him correctly", the coastal states of the US are in for a major Tsunami - I think Pat was actually watching the weather channel but his satellite dish was malfunctioning. Religions are just cults.
yes, blasphemy. That is song is as blasphemous as can be.
Well, thank you "I hate that song" for your erudite comment and willingness to disclose your identity. Your compelling argument is ever so likely to make me rethink my position on the existance of God/gods...
Phil, as ever, you have produced a meisterwerk. I really should contribute some more stuff to this site, but I can;t understand how the heck you're not a star yet - horrific facial injuries or no singing voice are the only logical conclusions.
Thanks, Gav - I guess I've taken the first faltering steps towards stardom (in that I'm performing at the occasional open mike night); but in the absence of facial injuries and having an OK-but-no-better singing voice (see www.soundclick.com/philalexander for examples), I can only assume that the world at large simply doesn't take funny music seriously enough ;-)
It's just been pointed out to me that the forum linked to above is out of date - Debate Unlimited can now be found here: mwillett.org/Debate Please do come and add your penn'orth if you feel inclined to argue.
What we need are more atheist songs. This one may not be the best, but it is a start.
Very funny, very clever parody. Phil, I have read many of your parodies and if I were the hat wearing type I would take it off to you. Thanks for the laughs, really enjoyed it.
Thanks Nick and Ian - Nick: there are a few more atheistic sort of parodies on amiright: I can point you in the right direction if you like.
"Fairy story - what's it to ya??!! Haha Love it! I agree with Nick, that we do need more atheist songs, but I disagree that's it's not one of the best. It's up there on my list anyhow. Good work!! *side note* Listen Christians, same shit, different forum...okay? Trust me, we've heard it all. You manage to infect any area we chose to quietly express ideas, thoughts, and beliefs...or lack there of. And many times, you hatefully try to impose your down-right silly beliefs on others. And when will you guys learn!!! Don't debate the bible with an atheist. Chances are we've read it more than once.
I was looking for a certain hymn with the words "the battle rages" and found this site. It grieves my spirit that so many people can talk so flipantly about my Lord. It truely makes me sad that "Christians" don't act more like Christ and show His love instead of condemination. No wonder there are people who choose not to believe in a God of love. Instead of condeming and criticizing, we should be on our knees praying Jesus prayer from John: "Lord, open their eyes that they may see, turn them from darkness to light, from the power of satan to the power of God; that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sancified by faith in Christ." Christ is not a fairy tale, He is more real than anything we can see, or feel. I know my little post probably won't change many minds, but I pray that it touches at least one person and leads them to the Truth - because weather you believe it or not does not change the fact that Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life. God bless you.
^ Oh, good grief, Charlie Brown...
"... from the power of satan": atheists don't believe in him either. Ann, if all Christians (and all other religions) showed more love and understanding for their fellow man, no doubt there would be a few less strong or 'militant' atheists. Sorry though, no matter what positive actions you take, making the leap to believing in a sky fairy or the Bible isn't going to happen for this atheist.
"... - because weather [sic] you believe it or not does not change the fact that Jesus Christ is the Way": Fact? You must be using some definition of the word that I nor anyone else is aware the meaning...
I didn't come here to debate Ann though. Phil, I found a link you might enjoy (if you haven't already seen it):
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm
"... - because weather [sic] you believe it or not does not change the fact that Jesus Christ is the Way": Fact? You must be using some definition of the word that I nor anyone else is aware the meaning...
I didn't come here to debate Ann though. Phil, I found a link you might enjoy (if you haven't already seen it):
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm
Love those, Jack :-) There were even a few I'd not seen (#566 being my favourite :-) )
Lucy.. yep, "good grief", indeed..
Ann - no, your post is very unlikely to have changed any minds: to anyone not steeped in bible-babble, it had no meaning nor informational content so it was unclear how it might possibly cause a change of mind.
Lucy.. yep, "good grief", indeed..
Ann - no, your post is very unlikely to have changed any minds: to anyone not steeped in bible-babble, it had no meaning nor informational content so it was unclear how it might possibly cause a change of mind.
Ann - if your parents gave birth to you in Baghdad, you'd be proclaiming "does not change the fact that Allah is the Way"...so a random geographical event has determined what you regard as fact and truth. You didn't decide to become Christian, you were genetically infected with the religion by your ancestors, just as the Muslims have been
In both cases, the whole idea of simply and unquestioningly believing what ancient, way less educated generations made up (in their honourable but under-resourced efforts to have a stab at explaining death and what follows) is just a tad wobbly don't you think?
...and as for questions beginning with "Where else but the Bible..." the answer is always "The Koran"
btw great parody Phil - wish I'd seen it during my Fridge Penguin rallies ;-)
In both cases, the whole idea of simply and unquestioningly believing what ancient, way less educated generations made up (in their honourable but under-resourced efforts to have a stab at explaining death and what follows) is just a tad wobbly don't you think?
...and as for questions beginning with "Where else but the Bible..." the answer is always "The Koran"
btw great parody Phil - wish I'd seen it during my Fridge Penguin rallies ;-)
I can fight every single statement in this song with Scriptures. If the atheist in this song HAD read the fiery Gospel, every question would've been answered. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear!" Matt 11:15
Christine - er, no you can't. You might like to think so, but I'm afraid you're deluding yourself. Rather than what Matt might have said at quarter past eleven, I prefer to say "She who has a brain to think, let her use it".
living in the Bible belt of the USA! Just found my new favorite song. Thanks Phil
I'm doing a rewrite of Dante's inferno and came here looking for inspiration for a blasphemous hymn sung by the sullen in the fifth circle. I think I found it. Guess I'll try and come up with something for Amazing Grace.
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