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Song Parodies -> "The Recon Ranger Hymn"

Original Song Title:

"The Marine Corps Hymn"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"The Recon Ranger Hymn"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Turns out Nathan Phillips was not only NOT a Vietnam vet, he served a mere four years in the Marine Corps reserve, starting in mid-1972, at a time when no new personnel were being sent to Vietnam. He also served as a Refrigerator Technician who never rose above the rank of Buck Private, mostly because he went AWOL three times. He was lucky to receive the General (Not Honorable) Discharge that he eventually received. ..... I'm going to repeat parodying the first stanza of the OS. because everyone knows the lyrics to the first and nobody knows the lyrics to the other stanzas
From the stalls of Maytag-zuma
To the stores of Whirlpoolie
We will fight our nation's spoilages
From egg salad to broccoli
First to sight the leaks in Freon
And to keep those coils clean
I ain't proud you learned my title
Of a Reefer Tech marine

From a brig in Camp Lejeune-ah
To a cell near Orange County
I've defied my unit's standards
By vacating without leave
First to flight from weekend meetings
From the Corps' prestige I'll glean
I'm beclowned to claim the title
Of a Recon Range marine*

From a dive in Petaluma
To a shrine in old DC
I will slight our nation's children
By reversing bigotries
First to blight the lives of teen boys
Then to keep on slandering
Been exposed for claiming title
Of a Vietnam War marine

(This second one covers a very similar parody of the song "Mr Sandman' by "A Room Full of Monkeys" on the subject of Nick Sandmann)

(Tom tom tom tom TOM tom tom tom tom tom tom tom TOM TOM)
(Tom tom tom tom TOM tom tom tom tom tom tom tom TOM TOM)

Nicky Sandmann, wipe off that smile
Or we'll smear you as something vile
You're s'posed to crawl and whimper like Rover
When that noble Vietnam vet comes over
Sandmann, you were attacked
Dint have a bishop who had your back
Please turn off your magic smirk
Nicky Sandmann, they'll call you a jerk

Nicky Sandmann, you're just a teen
This is the vilest smear I've ever seen
Just stood your ground when that nut came over
Then Twatter mobs spewed their spite like ogres
Nicky Sandmann, you were alone
It's the kid-ults who have to atone
Please retain your magic smirk
Nicky Sandmann made them all jerks

Nicky Sandmann, exposed their schemes
They showed with all their lies that they're the extreme
It's now clear you were just a bystander
Now sue their asses for lies and slander
For Nicky Sandmann, let's all be bold
Let's stop this madness before it takes hold
So please retain your magic smile
Nicky Sandmann brought out; really really brought out
Nicky Sandmann brought out their bile

(This last parody fragment was triggered by a video superimposing the audio of SNL's famous "More Cowbell" sketch onto a video of Nathan Phillips banging a drum. So I thought I'd provide some words)

MAGA time has come
Media's cred is gone
Cretins do fear the Red Hat
As do thin-skinned and the bums and deranged
We wont be like they are
Come on Nathan (Dont fear the Red Hat)
Nathan drop that drum (Dont fear the Red Hat)
Dont enable a lie (Dont fear the Red hat)
Nathan be a man


Your story now's undone
Your 15 minutes now are gone
Online trolls and mainstream press
Are complicit in insanity (Online trolls and mainstrean press)
40,000 proggs re-twatting everyday (like online trolls and mainstream press)
40,000 Facebook warriors everyday (redefine reality)
Another 40,000 deleting everyday
But screen shots are saved
C'mon Nathan (Dont smear the Red Hat)
Nathan drop that drum (Dont smear the Red hat)
Dont enable a lie (Dont smear the Red hat)
Nathan be a man

( I got a BACK-ache; and the only prescription is NO THIRD STANZA ...)

*Anyone who's ever served in either the marines or the Army would have known that "Marine Recon Ranger" was bogus. There are no Rangers in the Marines. It's strictly an Army designation

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Jonathan Spurlock - February 12, 2019 - Report this comment
Semper 5's, good Marine parody writer!
Patrick - February 12, 2019 - Report this comment
Will the mainstream media ever correct their mistake? Ha ha! For that matter, how many MAGA-hat-wearing Trump supporters even watch "Empire" and know who the gay character is? And how many are out at 2:00 a.m. in Chicago carrying bleach and a noose? Sounds like another bogus story to me.
CML - February 12, 2019 - Report this comment
^^^^^You're referring to the Jussie Smollet case, of course. My question is why would any assailant be carrying a bottle of bleach when it's 20 below zero -- were they going to club their victim with it? I mean, bleach freezes at that temp, doesn't it? .... Say why dont I conduct the 15 second internet search that nobody in the media bothered to do and find out (cue "I'm A Little Teapot" music as I endeavor to find out) And the answer is, "What is 19 degrees, Alex."
CML - February 12, 2019 - Report this comment
And it gets even better as the assaultee has refused for 13 days to hand over the cell phone he claims recorded the incident, which would corroborate his claim, and, in fact, is the ONLY thing that corroborates his claim ..... One weird thing I've noticed in similar cases is that people who say a certain piece of evidence proves that they're telling the truth about a crime ALMOST NEVER say, "But I adamantly refuse to turn over the evidence that I just said proves I'm telling the truth." ... Cops get very pissy when you do that

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