LOVED IT- 555!!!

An aroma of charming intolerance.

Fives. Fut our residing Vegan Minstrel might say a word or two.

Rob: Thanks!
Giorgio: You could say I composted it that way.
Susanna: I have no beef (pun totally intended) with Vegan Minstrel, but if he/she gives me a stink eye comment I'll double down on adressing the vegetarian manureity.

Ben Franklin called turkeys “true American originals.” He had tremendous respect for their resourcefulness, agility, and beauty. Turkeys are intelligent animals who enjoy having their feathers stroked and who like listening to music, with which they will often loudly sing along. In nature, turkeys can fly 55 miles an hour, run 18 miles an hour, and live up to 10 years.
But the story is very different for turkeys on factory farms: They will be killed when they are only 5 or 6 months old and, during their short lives, will be denied even the simplest pleasures, such as running, building nests, and raising their young.
Like chickens, the 300 million turkeys raised and killed for their flesh every year in the United States have no federal legal protection.More than 45 million turkeys are killed each year at Thanksgiving alone, and more than 22 million die at Christmas.
Before ending up as holiday centerpieces, these gentle, intelligent birds spend five to six months on factory farms, where thousands of them are packed into dark sheds with no more than 3.5 square feet of space per bird. Turkeys are genetically bred to grow as fast as possible, and they often become crippled under their own weight.
To keep the crowded birds from scratching and pecking each other to death, workers cut off portions of the birds’ toes and upper beaks with hot blades and de-snood the males (the snood is the flap of skin that runs from the beak to the chest). No pain relievers are used during any of these procedures.
A PETA investigator videotaped one turkey-farm operator beating sick and injured birds to death with a pole, a killing method deemed “standard industry practice.”
Turkeys won’t have the opportunity to breathe fresh air or feel the sun on their backs until they’re shoved onto trucks bound for slaughter. They are transported for hours without food or water through all weather extremes—and many will die on this nightmarish journey.
At the slaughterhouse, the survivors are hung upside-down by their weak and crippled legs before their heads are dragged through an electrified “stunning tank,” which immobilizes but does not kill them. Many birds dodge the tank and are still completely conscious when their throats are slit. If the knife fails to properly cut the birds’ throats, they are scalded alive in the tank of boiling water used for feather removal.

For best vegan farming results, rotate your crop with Monsanto GMO SPAM® seeds every three years. SPAM® is a fart-free, part-time vegetable which is fertilized naturally from the fallout of chemtrails. It is at its full veggie goodness when it starts turning green.

On 2nd thought I don't know why I used the descriptor "charming" in my earlier comment. I have not eaten meat for 14 years, which makes me feel ethically superior. Jose J should take his faltering HE (human entity) back to Whole Foods.

When you eat SPAM®, there's never a need to retract.

Eggheads feeling ethically superior and holier than thou is what got Trump elected. Thanks.

"If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of food?" Precisely! 5s. ignore the nay-sayers, and have a Happy Thanksgiving, Peter!

Some funny lines in this. Good take on it

Eat My Giblets: That's just a bomb mat of incoherent arguments, typical vegan behaviour, I guess you don't have the stamina for more than short outraged bursts of keyboard tapping - have you checked you haemoglobin for anemia lately? And to counter just one; what would be the point of releasing animals that can no longer move on their own into the wild? Is being eaten by wildlife predators somehow less killing on them?

For the rest of you, here's an outtake verse:

John Doe vegan had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he grew some beets
E-I-E-I-O
With a bloodshot stare
From a kidney scare
Pissing red, pissing bed
Had to switch to cornbread
John Doe vegan had a farm
E-I-E-I-O

^ move on PETArd!

^ Mister Meaty, you must be filled with pride to have contributed such a witty, devastating, incisive, informed, original, meaty rejoinder.

You two - get a room! ;-P

BTW: I've just posted a parody called "Hamburger" for tomorrow, unfortunatelly it took a turn for the light side, not the epic salivaboosting epic I was aiming for when I started writing. Then again I'm not a one meal pony, or however that saying goes.

^ Thanks for the heads-up. I'll make sure to skip it.

^ Every so often, a cockroach who can type steals a contributor's pseudonym and writes under that name, "I have sex with animals." As the saying goes, "Where there's one cockroach, there are a hundred." To the regulars who have recently complained about being swarmed by trolls, let's not slander trolls. You are being swarmed by cockroaches.

I like ca ca.