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Song Parodies -> "Three Small Sheets"

Original Song Title:

"Three Blind Mice"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Three Small Sheets"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

During WW2 the British Army soldier was allowed 3 toilet paper sheets per day compared to the US 22 sheets a day! This meant, rather than wiping, British troops were instructed to use the single finger method. One would go and then put a finger through a sheet and insert. Then pull up and out, wiping the finger with the same sheet! US troops got the most rations and toiletries in WW2. Germany Army relied largely on mobile kitchens and raped all the lands they conquered for food and supplies which included toilet paper.
Three small sheets,
Three small sheets

For British bums!
For British bums!

Finger method was gross, not nice
The Yanks were appalled
because THEY were so well supplied!

Dirty Scotsmen seldom did wipe!
And the Jerry's just swiped*
* German troops got 10 sheets a day but just confiscated everything they needed from the lands they conquered and cities that fell. SOE took advantage of that and sent foods with laxatives to occupied nations. They also developed stink bombs for combat and aircraft dropped itching powder on German troops.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   11
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 11
 

User Comments

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Jonathan - April 04, 2016 - Report this comment
no sheet? 5's
Rob Arndt - April 05, 2016 - Report this comment
Don't know if they were the first to print a face on toilet paper, but SOE also came up with Hitler toilet paper dropped over German lines!
Patrick - April 10, 2016 - Report this comment
Laxatives and itching powder? Now I know what the Johnson Smith Company's contribution to the war effort was. If only they could have slipped a whoopee cushion onto Hitler's chair.
Rob Arndt - April 10, 2016 - Report this comment
Good to see you back, Patrick! Please go back and catch-up on my recent entries for last couple of weeks.

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