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Song Parodies -> "Avitaminoses"

Original Song Title:

"The Twelve Days of Christmas"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Avitaminoses"

Parody Written by:

Giorgio Coniglio's Grandson

The Lyrics

This parody-song is just in time for the end of Twelvetide. Many of our processed foods (flour, milk, rice) have been enriched by addition of these essential chemical nutrients, and freedom from vitamin-deficiency diseases (avitaminoses), such as rickets, beriberi and pellagra is a gift for all mankind. The pronunciation of the chemical names is a bit difficult, and for some of them, alteration from the typical was necessary to fit the meter of the original; these instances have been flagged by capital letters indicating the vowels that require emphasis; e.g. ribOflavin, pEllagra. The bracketed material is included for further information and for comparison with the original lyrics, and is not meant to be sung. In the second verse, (?)indicates cases in which a clinical deficiency state is not certain.
There are twelve diet factors,
Name given - vitamin *:
(12.) Ascorbic Acid (vit C)
(11.) Retinol’s good for vision (vit A)
(10.) Cholecalcif’rol (vit D)
(9.) Alpha-tocoph’rol (vit E)
(8.) K – phylloquinone (vit K)
(7.) Hydroxo-cobal’min (vit B12)
(6.) Then, Folic Acid (vit B9)
(5.) Next, bIOtIn (vit B7)
(4.) PantOthenate (vit B5)
(3.) Niacin (vit B3)
(2.) RibOflavin (vit B2)
(1.) And the first ‘B’ known as ThiamIne (vit B1)

For each vitamin, twelve-odd,
Its lack will cause disease:
C-lack gives scurvy
A-absence gives night blindness
Ricketts and fractures (vit D)
‘Oxidative damage’? (Vit E)
K-lack gives bleeding
Anemia pernicious (vit B12)
Fetal malformations (vit B9)
Low fertIl-I-tY? (vit B7)
NeurOpathy? (vit B5)
PEllagra (vit B3)
Amplifies B3 (vit B2)
Brain disorders and beriberi. (vit B1)

Outro:
A dozen Nobel Prizes
Awards in Chemistry,
And Med’cine and Physiology.

* Casimir Funk, working to elaborate the 'antineuritic' property of rice bran for potential therpeutic use in beriberi, isolated a substance which he called 'vitamine' as it contained an amino- chemical group.
You can view lots of parody songs and other nonsense at Giorgio's Ukable Parodies

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   2
 2
 2
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Vitamin Flintheart - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
I am an aging Shakespearean actor who flamboyantly popped vitamin pills while aiding Dick Tracy. I have since gone straight. A balanced diet of egg nog, steak tartare, and Devil Dogs provide all the necessary vitamins, making supplements superfluous. Vitamin pills don't make you healthy. They make the manufacturer wealthy. As the grandson points out, certain vitamin deficiencies, now highly unlikey, are responsible for disease. For that historical lesson, he gets 5s.
FDA - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
Yo, I just injected Retinol into my eyes. Now I can read the fine print on my Vitamin C bottle: "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease." In short, if you buy into the Tono Bungay hype you will be famous for having the most nutritious piss.
GC'sG - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
Thanks for the comments. I had to look up the Tono-Bungay reference, was not familiar with all of H.G. Wells' novels. Rather than a load of 'quap' or bulk-bin products, vitamins are usually catalysts for important enzymatic processes. As they are only needed in teeny quantities, our bodies have copped out of the responsibility of synthesizing them themselves, and 'borrow' them from food sources, vegetable or animal (perhaps even DevilDogs). So most vitamins and other supplements, including Pauling-levels of vit C, land up enhancing the nutritional content of our sewage systems and waterways.
GC'sG - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
Apologies for initially regarding you as a troll. You are a 'real' character from the Dick Tracy cartoon strip!!!.
Rob Arndt - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
By golly, an info-parody! 555!
Jonathan - January 05, 2016 - Report this comment
a parody packed with essential vitamins & minerals! 5's

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