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Song Parodies -> "A Capital Ship"
Original Song Title:
"A Capital Ship"
Original Performer:
Traditional
Parody Song Title:
"A Capital Ship"
Parody Written by:
Hu's On First
The Lyrics
Seeing Patrick's gay-cowboy tragedy yesterday reminded me that I had written a gay-pirate song quite a while ago, but never published it here. Now I've decided to kick it out of the closet (ahem). I've long wondered about pirates. They wear earrings, seem to be obsessed with "booty", spend their entire lives on board ships with no women around, have a "first mate", and love to "swab the poop deck". I'm surprised more people haven't noticed the obvious.
We’re a capital ship on an ocean trip, but there’s something not quite right
One young man’s gnawed by the fear of God, and his voice grew weak and tight:
Said, “There’s two on board who offend the Lord, and we’re underneath a curse
Like the Jonah tale, now that we’ve set sail, we’ll run into storms and worse”
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
I don’t know why he’s petrified, hope someone can explain…why
some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
Now I saw the cook, jolly man with a hook, and he winked and showed a grin
Said the captain might do what some of you would surely call a sin
But the cook told me, with a hint of glee, that this kind of thing’s oft found
And you must suppose it’s the way it goes when women aren’t around
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
The rumor goes that the captain knows something he hides away
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
It was getting warm, and we saw a storm heading our way was at hand
So we got out pails, and began to bail, and we all did what we can
Oh but First Mate Dan and the captain man were nowhere to be found
Someone said “I think, though the ship didn’t sink, the captain still went down”
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
Got no help at all, even when we called, ‘cause the captain was away
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
I was swabbing the deck of this floating wreck when I chanced upon a door
And the captain and mate were quite irate when I saw what they were there for
Then the captain said that I’d soon be dead if his secret I let loose
I would "walk his plank", then go in the dank sea of frothing greens and blues
The winds aren’t, I now know, the only things that blow
The captain’s known to be alone with the first mate, so they say
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
Yes, on a ship likes this, something’s quite amiss
I don’t want to drown, so I shall be bound for an island far away
I’ll leave the way I came, this ship is hardly tame
Its crew not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
One young man’s gnawed by the fear of God, and his voice grew weak and tight:
Said, “There’s two on board who offend the Lord, and we’re underneath a curse
Like the Jonah tale, now that we’ve set sail, we’ll run into storms and worse”
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
I don’t know why he’s petrified, hope someone can explain…why
some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
Now I saw the cook, jolly man with a hook, and he winked and showed a grin
Said the captain might do what some of you would surely call a sin
But the cook told me, with a hint of glee, that this kind of thing’s oft found
And you must suppose it’s the way it goes when women aren’t around
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
The rumor goes that the captain knows something he hides away
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
It was getting warm, and we saw a storm heading our way was at hand
So we got out pails, and began to bail, and we all did what we can
Oh but First Mate Dan and the captain man were nowhere to be found
Someone said “I think, though the ship didn’t sink, the captain still went down”
Oh, on a ship like this, something is amiss
Got no help at all, even when we called, ‘cause the captain was away
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
I was swabbing the deck of this floating wreck when I chanced upon a door
And the captain and mate were quite irate when I saw what they were there for
Then the captain said that I’d soon be dead if his secret I let loose
I would "walk his plank", then go in the dank sea of frothing greens and blues
The winds aren’t, I now know, the only things that blow
The captain’s known to be alone with the first mate, so they say
Some hang their heads in shame, some think it’s all a game
And they’re not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
Yes, on a ship likes this, something’s quite amiss
I don’t want to drown, so I shall be bound for an island far away
I’ll leave the way I came, this ship is hardly tame
Its crew not above talking of the love that dare not speak its name
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A masterclass in innuendo - were I wearing a hat right now, I'd take it off to you. DKTOS, but for some reason I'm imagining it sounding a bit like Robbie Rotten from Lazytown's 'You Are A Pirate' song (I can't help it, I have a kid, and that's his favourite programme - sorry!) Anyway, this is a top-class job. 555 for sure.
Was looking for something with 15" guns based on the title but got 15" studs instead!!! 555!!! Wendy was right too about the Lazytown show (she probably watches it too) and you could also use that as "You are a Fag*ot" ;-)
Nicely put together, Hu, especially the element of narrative. Dkos but the structure of traditioal ballads is very easy to follow as they approximate a spoken rhythm. 'The Captain said I'm going down' is a standard burlesque line but still apt here.
Personally, I believe the 'love that dare not speak its name' and all other manner of debauchery, free from consequence, was an underground factor in the lure of piracy and privateering, not just plunder. Captain Bligh himself famously described a seaman's life as 'rum, sodomy and the lash'. As a child I always wondered why Lord Nelson's last words were 'Kiss me Hardy!' I wonder no more.
Personally, I believe the 'love that dare not speak its name' and all other manner of debauchery, free from consequence, was an underground factor in the lure of piracy and privateering, not just plunder. Captain Bligh himself famously described a seaman's life as 'rum, sodomy and the lash'. As a child I always wondered why Lord Nelson's last words were 'Kiss me Hardy!' I wonder no more.
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