Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, can you pick line 4
Where's the phone? There's the phone! Pass it to me
'Tis the Marketing Department conference call
Wi’ Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

And what have we got on th'agenda today?
Where's the list? There's the list! Pass it to me
There's Powerpoint slides and much more besides
From Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

In no time at all major bullshit was flowing
Lots of shit, piles of shit, all flowing free
To incentivize holistic enterprize growing
Wi’ Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

Came Friday noon and Saturday soon
More they talk, still they talk, talking to me
And t'conference call still went on and on
Wi’ Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

so Tom Pearce he was getting mentally ill
Who's to tell, mad as hell, insanity
But the call is ongoing, they're al talking still
Are Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

Tom Pearce, he got so bored that he died
Lost his way, passed away, tragic-l-y
From the terrible jargon-filled Powerpoint slides
From Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

But that wasn't the end of the conference call
Talking on, on and interminally
Though Tom Pearce be dead in his video stall
And Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

In the video conference suite every night
Going on, on and on, post-mortally
The ghost of Tom Pearce wi' his Powerpoint slides
An’ Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all

And all the long night be heard jargon and tripe
Energise! Synergize! Holisticly!
As Tom Pearce’s ghost spews out marketing shite
To Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawk,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all