Whose child is this sleeping backstage
While his mommy’s screaming at her
Alleged baby-daddy before
Maury even opens the envelope?

Is, is he the father?
We’ll find out in the next two seconds
In the case of this child
Poor Mister, you are not the father

Whose child is this subjected to
Second and third paternity tests,
Befriending the producers behind
The scenes of Maury’s sperm-counting fest?

Is this guy the father?
We’ll find out in the next two seconds
Nope, nope, he’s not the father
And neither is the third dude

Whose child is this, I’d like to know
And so would Maury’s producers
His mommy’s raking up Frequent Flyer
Miles just from flying to New York

To test more potential men
To see which one fathered her child
But, according to this last test,
It looks like she won’t be back again