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Song Parodies -> "Kringle's Hells"

Original Song Title:

"Jingle Bells"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Kringle's Hells"

Parody Written by:

blackjack21

The Lyrics

The Christmas season is upon us, so time to spoof a few holiday songs. This one is about how tough it is to be an elf working for old Kris Kringle at the North Pole. You might think Santa's in charge up there, but I hear he has to answer to a syndicate of powerful bosses, so things can get ugly sometimes.



Kringle sells all his elves
Into slavery
Making toys for all the boys
Who live in luxury, see!
Sweatshop smells, Kringle's hells
Eighty cents a day
Try to run and try to hide
Think you can get away

Crashing through the snow
Trying hard to get away
Downhill ski you go
Screaming all the way, ah, ah, ah!
Bouncing like a spring
Suddenly take flight
No fun is it to fly, take wing
You pray you land upright, oh!

Kringle yells, "Go to hell"
"Little elf I'll slay!"
"You can run but you can't hide"
"Gonna nail your ass today, hey!"
Kringle yells, he impels
Reindeer, pull his sleigh
Gaining on that little elf
With the nerve to disobey!

Flashing, weapon shows
Little elf is in gun range
Lower his sight to foe
Taking deadly aim, ho, ho, ho!
Out the shot did ring
Flashing in the night
Oh sh!t, missed and so he tries again
His prey will fall tonight, oh!

Elf rebelled, Kringle shelled
Malcontent with lead
Shot his gun, in vain he tried
For a kill shot to the head, dead!
Downhill flew, forest loomed
Under branch elf ducked
But big guy was much too high
And he said, "Oh no, I'm $&@#&%!!!"

Oooh, Kringle's felled, rang his bell
Elf, he got away
Made a run to save his hide
And revenge he'll get some day, hey!
Records tell: Kringle sells
Land he owned next door
Elf he bought, for Wal-Mart spot
Now Kris Kringle he is poor


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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   15
 16
 16
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stan Hall - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm putting these 5s in your stocking since Santa will doubtless be filling it with ashes and switches. Besides, I'm likely in the same boat. Check out Track 3 in http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles2507.shtml :-)
Mark Scotti - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
555 lbs of Kringle crash!!!
JingleCakes - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Jingle Bells . . . all the way ! !
Old Man Ribber - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
You've managed to turn Santa into Claus Barbie! ;D
Leo Keough - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Wild bit of storytelling!!!...555!!!
AFW - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Making Santa a villain..that's unique..
Silver Power - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Funny twist on the original song! Great job, 5s!
Andria - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job, blackjack, and this would be a great complimentary parody to "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al Yankovic if it were ever to be recorded. As for Santa being a villain, he can be whatever you want him to be IMHO, in my books, he's a miracle worker who makes people happy and makes dreams come true. 5s.
Fiddlegirl - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
ROFL @ the yuletide twist :)
Christie Marie M - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
This is the funniest "Jingle Bells" spoof I've ever read/sang! Ever seen "Bad Santa, Santa Clause 2, and Christmas Story"? Those 3 movies listed reminds me of this song! Especially about Toy Santa from the second Santa Clause movie, where he plans to give coals to "naughty" children and works his elves like robots by brutally and verbally abusing them! Wait, that's not Santa! That's actually Santa's Evil Twin running the show and tied up the real Santa! Here's 555. I'm still laughing!!! LOL!!
Andria @ Fiddlegirl - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Sorry to go OT, but your comment sounds nothing like Tommy Turtle. Could he have claimed that he was Fiddlegirl as a publicity stunt?
Andy Primus - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds like a North Pole trade union for elves is needed
littleNorPole - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
somehow I suspected that living in the NorthPole could be a slave operation! Sir: I love anything about eleves & slavery . . .
Phil Nelson - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Intriguing and interesting stuff
blackjack21 - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow, I appreciate all the nice comments and votes everyone. So many good parodies here today, I think I counted 45 of them! Merry thanks to all and to all a good night. ;-)

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