I was depressed and grim
And so I sought night out
I got well-soaked with gin
And I tossed some chairs about
Barmaid said “Okee dokee
I’ll just phone the cops around”
That’s how it all went down!

She let the Sheriff in
He pulled his pistol out
I kicked him in the shin
And it made him curse and shout
I told that smokey-blokey
He could sit and spin around
Mug shot :“Oh please, don’t pout!”

There was some man-hand-lin’
And I got knocked about
“You just stay right still, Jim”
But I shake-d all about
Thrown into hokey pokey
I have earned myself the pound
Maybe I’ll stick about

The cop stuck out his chin
Said: “You can think about
The kind of mess you’re in
‘Cus you ain’t no eagle scout
You’re in the hokey pokey
‘Til you turn yourself around
That, son, is beyond doubt”

I guess it might have seemed
Authority, did flout
I’d got some under skin
And was larking all about
Was due the hokey pokey
Should have spurned that final round
Drank more than could a trout!

I took my cup of tin
And I began to clout
The bars that held me in
And berate the cops throughout
I’m in the hokey pokey
But I yearn to be let out
That's what I start to shout!

He stuck a hose right in
And aimed the nozzle spout
And to my chagrin
He did spray it all about
I got a cloaky-soaky
And in turn I damn near drowned
All this, and in a drought!

It made my head spin
It made my dread sprout
And so to save skin
I did fake a sleeping bout
In morn a poke-y woke me
And my nog felt swelled and stout
Advil can’t do without!

They pushed my brekky in
They took my pee-pot out
Said: “Boy - next time you’ll fill
Or I’ll make you go without”
They fed me broke-y yokies
Grits and spam – Oh, let me OUT!
And by the shortest route…