Mother Nature's Ass we're bound
And no way we're leavin'
Work all day until sundown
Then party 'til we're heavin'
Bubba runs the moonshine site
Thinks it's pretty coo-el
Brother Justin's tall in height
Dil, Billie and Suuuue, swell

Way down here in Tennessee
Christmas time is comin'
Choppin' down a good fir tree
Little lights we're hangin'
Getting mighty cold 'round here
In the Ozark mountains
No more skinnydips in ponds
Or peeing in fountains

Bring the dawgs and bring yer twine
Now brothers and sisters
Throw the Yule Hog on the fire
And we'll play some Twister
Free cheese from the guv-a-ment
Livin' off of welfare
Don't know who's the president
What the hell do we care?

Don't you say you'll go home now
Stay a little longer
You can share space with the cow
If y'all sleep over
Hark, Dumb Harold's coondogs sing
And the snow's all pretty
String the popcorn on the tree
Don't eat it all, Britney!

Don't you dare call me a clod
Though I'm un-educated
Christmastime's the time when God
Got the Virgin mated!
And that's the whole reason I am sure
That we're so derned happy
Jumpin' , whoopin' to keep warm
'Cause the weather's craaaa-py!