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Song Parodies -> "Jehovah's Witness Protection Program"

Original Song Title:

"Green Grow The Lilacs"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Jehovah's Witness Protection Program"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Early each morning, on my door, they pound
They're drivin' me crazy, and gettin' me down..
Just keep right on knockin' when I holler, "Scram!"
I need Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

From pamphlet harrassment, I gotta' be free
New name, and new address, new identity
Hide me in the desert, I don't give a damn
Some Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

First thing, every morning, tap, tap, is the sound
They're drivin' me bonkers, and gettin' me down..
I have my own religion, so, please, Uncle Sam..
Get me Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

They're camped on the front lawn with tents and backpacks
Show up at the carwash, between "Spray and Wax"
Appear in my rear view at each traffic jam
Need Jehovah's Witness Protection Program...

Early each mornin' on my door, they pound
Persistent, ignorin' bite marks from my hound
To Washington DC, sent this telegram..
"Give me Jehovah's Witness Protection Program."

My head aches from bangin' my head on the wall
Why can't they just stay in their old Kingdom Hall?
Up in their Watchtower, they see where I am
Need Jehovah's Witness Protection Program..

Need that Jehovah's Witness Protection Program...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Matthias - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Knock, Knock, Knock on Airfarce door!!!! Ahhhhhh..... Time for some shameless plugging "In Case You're Jehovah's Witness" :
alvin rhodes - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
funny....actually, i've discovered how to discourage ask them in and then hit 'em with a barrage of questions about dinosaurs....they just go homina homina homina......
John Barry - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
AFW, because of this fine parody, I'm going to submit my "All This Throng with 'Watchtower," part of a religion-gone-astray theme.
TJC - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent concept and write.... once again truisms abound throughout this piece... particularly liked showing up between "spray and wax"! LOL.
AFW - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, all for votes, and comments..
Ann - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
short on words but this is great
PMS - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL funny and true
Red Ant - September 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I have a rather long and crude story re: JWs: About 20 years ago, they came to out door for the first time I remember. My sister Melissa, then 8, answered the door. I guess I was playing Nintendo or something. Anyway, after her not returning for a good 15 minutes, my curiousity was piqued, so I went to see what she was doing. I saw her talking to two missionaries. Not knowing any better, I grabbed a tube of my mothers red lipstick, and put "666" on my forehead,and a pentagram in my hand. I walked to the door, and asked them if there was anything I could help them with., then placed my pseudo-satanic hand on the doorframe, in plain sight. I don' remember their exact words, but I do remember they left rather quickly.

JWs STILL come around here. I have been nicer to them since, and much nicer than the guy in Portsmouth who shot one of them. Oh yeah, nice parody, reminds me of one of my real early ones set loosely to Seal's "Crazy", which I never completed. I'd vote you 6s, but you'll have to settle for 5s.

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