-> "The Ballad of Boopsie's Bazookas"
Original Song Title:
"Battle Hymn Of The Republic"
Parody Song Title:
"The Ballad of Boopsie's Bazookas"
The Lyrics
I used to 'ave these microscopic mounds upon me chest
attributes to which the guys'd shown profound disinterest
thanks to super, I 'ad quite a lot of pounds to re-invest
killed two birds with one stone
Glory glory hallelu-kah!
Bought...these glorious bazookas
Sure...ly oughta be the hugest
Bazookas wot you've saw
Now the doctor said "I've seen mosquito bites with greater mass
but you're not to fret - you'll be surprised (when you come off the gas)
that that Arizona gorge'll seem a ludicrous crevasse
compared to your bos - om!"
Bought...these glamorous bazookas
Norks...I 'ad were just a nuisance
Brought...me mammaries some uses
they never 'ad before
Then the doctor stuffed and stuffed in stuff 'til 'e had stuff no more
so 'e got his stuff-provider to send stuff from the stuff-store
pretty soon I'm more top-heavy than a plump Drew Barrymore
still 'e implanted on
Bought...these Oscar-worthy hooters
Told...the doc to serve me "supers"
But...I got these "superdupers"
T'was caveat emptor
When I CAME to I rolled over but from bed was quickly thrown
It was plain that my bazookas had momentum of their own
tried to hail a cab but couldn't fit - I staggered 'ome alone
Leant forward, whoosh! - I'm gone
Bought...these cumbersome bazookas
Lord...they're troublesome commuters
Ought...to buy each one a scooter
to keep 'em off the floor
After lessening me pace I passed the grocer who said "Cor!"
'e was starin' at a place where there'd been only air before
To his melons 'e appraised "Y'know you don't compare at all"
...and then 'e tried it on
Bought...these glorious bazookas
Sud...denly I'm scoring suitors
but...he's such a boring doofus
there won't be no encore
Now I need me bras all underscored with lead and metal pins
just to keep me assets juttin' forth like airborne zeppelins
plus they'll shelter children from a storm so everybody wins
...but things start goin' wrong
Bought...these glorious bazookas
Taut...like Tori's, only huger
But...this story takes a few turns
I never quite foresaw
I was sacked from me bus-drivin' job (I couldn't fit inside)
I tried backwards (but was much too long) then sideways (much too wide)
I applied to work at Hooters but was overqualified
I'm feeling woebegone
Since...I paid for these bazookas
Seems...they aint got heaps of uses
plus...they may be leaving bruises
or so one stud foreswore
So I told the doc "Unstuff me down to just a DD cup"
Said the doc, "It's like a beanbag chair, we'd never clean it up"
Got a job now with Bill Clinton (well, I hafta make a buck!)
He calls me Super"Mon"
Bought...these glorious bazookas
Thought...those norks'd had me snookered
Now...a presidential future
Just call me "Mounts" Rushmore
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 5.0 | |
How Funny: | 5.0 | |
Overall Rating: | 5.0 | |
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Total Votes: | 23 |
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