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Song Parodies -> "Battle Hymn of the Church of Ultimate Naked Truth"

Original Song Title:

"The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Battle Hymn of the Church of Ultimate Naked Truth"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I'm joining Willett's Church of the Ultimate Naked Truth
It's a church that don't require faith: in fact, it wants the proof
And it has a super acronym that's really quite uncouth
So join our church today

Glory, glory, halelujah
Hear ol' Martin sock it to ya
Nothing here is taboo, yeah
So join our church today


The liturgy is simple, I'm sure it'll be a hit
I'll quote it here in full, it goes something like this, to wit:
We are born. ... We die. ... Get over it.
Our church will show the way

Glory, gee ad infinitum
Need some people - let's invite 'em
Need some songs - who's gonna write 'em?
Our church will show the way


You do not have to pay to join: it's absolutely free
There are no tithes or subscriptions and there ain't no members' fee
It's everything that you could ever want a church to be
So join (no need to pay)

Glory, glory, et cetera
It gets betterer and betterer
No need to become a debtorer
So join (no need to pay)


The strictures that our Martin has upon his church bestowed:
Show respect for life: look both ways 'fore you cross the road
If you do not want to end up squishied like an Aussie toad
So hear what I say

Glory, glory ad nauseam
Ain't no "Thou shalt not"s or mayhem
(We don't even have to pay him)
So hear what I say


No holy books or scripture, there's no prophets and no saints
No priests or sacrifices. And sacraments, there ain't
As nothing here is sacred, there's no "blasphemy" complaint
And ain't no need to pray

Glory glory Martin Willett
His church will multiply until it
Turns out that he has to kill it
(well, it rhymes, anyway)


Oh, dear, I have just spotted that it says there are no hymns
That's the thing about religions: always have their little whims
I'll have to drown my sorrows in a jug of holy Pimms
Goodnight. Goodbye. Good day.
Martin Willett is the editor of the Debate Unlimited website. There's a humungous amount of well-thought-out and well-argued stuff on the site. Including the inspiration for the above: well worth a visit.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 1
 
 5   13
 15
 14
 

User Comments

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alvin rhodes - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
sign me up
Rick C - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Sign me up too, I don't wanna be no squished Aussie toad. LOL :-) 555
Royce Miller - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil, your parody is fun to read, but I couldn't disagree more with "you live, you die, get over it"....and without faith, it's impossible to please God, cause the one that comes to God: 1) must believe He exists and 2) that he rewards those who diligently seek him.
Tommy Turtle - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I like the sacraments (nude pics on the Net), "debtorer", and, of course, the hand-washing (since I wrote a not-gonna-plug parody on that topic). Not to mention the acronym that no one is mentioning - matches Johnny D's "A Tongue-In-Cheek Parody Writer's Primer" for sneaky acronyms. http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/julieandrewssoundtrackofthesoundofmusi­c0.shtml.
As it might theoretically be possible to enjoy parodies on topics with which one disagrees (politics, Red Sox, sex with sheep, etc.), 555 for the parody, and no need to vote for or against this or any other belief system.
Peregrin - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Interesting ! :)
Not Lurker - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Too bad everybody arguing in favor of established religions can't be polite like Royce Miller. Reason like Royce's gets lots more respect than ranting and raving and sending people to Hell.
Michael Pacholek - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
No need to be agnostic on this one: Gloria in quintessence Philbo. That's quint-essence, as in five. And, for the record... definitely not Lurker! Thank God!
Red Ant - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I didn't get the "super acronym that's really quite uncouth" part until I visited the site linked. Now, I understand. 5 servings of fruits and veggies.
Stuart McArthur - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
I was on the fence the whole read Phil, but you won me with the jug of holy Pimms - I'm on my knees, so bottoms up - 555
Larry Hensley - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
It was funny, 555
Immoral Liberal - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey Lurker and Royce Miller - whatever gets you through your life is fine - just don't force your beliefs on the rest of us. Neither of you have offered any proof that God exists, because you can't. You have created God in your own image - so you might want to reconsider who is going to hell and who isn't. Love this quote: ". . . he rewards those who diligently seek him." Where did you get this, the bible? Now that would be the same bible that preaches "love thy neighbor" as long as he or she isn't gay, right? And your God would be the same God that told your dumb president to start killing people around the globe, right? Happy rewards - but you two may want to get a life - god and Jesus would want it that way. Oh, good parody Phil - always love the writings that bring out the nuts, but we're missing one - Linda Terhune.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Does this mean you're gafiating from the Spaghetti Monster Religion? As for acronyms I seem to remember you did a whole parody with hidden such, don't remember the name though, care to plug for it?
Agrimorfee - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
"Wowie, wowie, Phil is funny/ Makes the day turn out so sunny/ Wish I could be just as punny/ His songs keep coming on!" 555
Red Ant - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Immoral Liberal: As Phil would no doubt point out, you cannot disprove the existence of God either - faith ain't science. And grouping Royce (and even Lurker) in with LT is grossly unfair to both of them. Even you know that. Bush would still be a moron even if he were atheist.

Phil: Joining a church? I'm sure the IPU will be most disappointed. ; )
Phil Alexander - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Finally got around to replying here... thanks everyone, especially Royce and the other deistic types who may disagree but don't get all hung up about it :-)
Red Ant - Next time I see the IPU, I'll ask her what she thinks ;-) And yes, Bush would still be a moron, but would he be president?
Peter - did you mean this one: http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/johndenver32.shtml - techically, it's an acrostic rather than an acronym... but who's *that* pedantic? Other than me, that is.
Immoral Liberal - were you including yourself, as well?
Stu - it's so much better than drinking holy water, don't you think? ;-)
TT - thanks for reminding me of that one of JD's - it is a hoot.
Immoral Liberal - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Red Ant - actually, I believe the grouping is extremely fair. Afterall, it's that side of the aisle that believes "if you're not with us, you're against us." I'm not with anyone who believes that God told their president to start an unjust war. Also, science has disproved much of what the bible preaches.
Tommy Turtle - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
May I point out that there is no comment from Lurker here? Someone took great pains to say that (s)he was "NOT Lurker", and then proved it by speaking - uh, commenting -- much more calmly and rationally than Lurker does. Yet everyone assumed it was Lurk and put Lurk's words in NotLurk's mouth? Does this tell us anything about ourselves????
Royce Miller - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Immoral Liberal-A little belated answer to a question of yours: yes, I quoted from Hebrews 11:6. The reason I did that is because the words of the Bible are way more powerful than anything I could ever think of to say. In fact, there is also a verse from the Bible that says that God's word will not return to him empty, but will accomplish what he intends. For that reason, I think the Bible is worthy of quoting. Oh, a question for you: does your name indicate that "immoral" and "liberal" always go hand in hand? I don't think they do, but why would you label yourself as such? I also want to point out that people who have responded to certain parodies like some of Phil's, have used their precious time to do so, have given thought to their responses, and are not deserving of the venom you spew. If anyone is "on the side of the aisle that believes if you're not with us you're against us", it's you.
Immoral Liberal - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Ms. Miller - you only answered one of the questions - exactly what I would expect from a person on your side of the aisle. But I will answer all of yours. No, my name does not indicate that the two go hand-in-hand; it actually is derived from people like you, Terhune and the fundamentalist right wing - the "holier than thou crowd" who seem to believe that the democrats and liberals are the moral decay of society. The truth is, the right-wingers are actually the moral decay of society. Your implication that my answers are not well thought out was a swing and a miss; but that's the way you people work. Also, my "venom" was not directed at Mr. Alexander - who gets it, by the way - I clearly stated that the post was directed to you and Lurker; strike two. Finally, it was your party, your selected administration, your bible-thumping backers of an unjust war who proclaimed "if your not with us your against us." We now adopt the same philosophy to now right the wrongs done to this country by your selected president during the past 6-plus years. So that was a weak grounder to second and you have now been thrown out at first. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror Ms. Miller - there is blood on your hands - what would Jesus think? What would Jesus think?
Immoral Liberal - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh, Ms. Miller? Speaking of spewing venom, what do you call the posts of your right-wing confidante Linda Terhune - Gospel? You see, once again we get back to your party, your ideology who began to milk their fangs of deadly poison; when your gospel is challenged, you cry foul.
Royce Miller - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Immoral--This is my last post to you. I have never said that I hate gays. The Bible does teach everyone to love their neighbor as themselves. Some people do ridicule the idea of "love the sinner, hate the sin", but that's something I believe in. I don't hate anyone, and I have much better things to do than try to spar with you. I know that you're the type who wants to have the last word, and will never stop tangling with someone. You don't bother commenting on my non-political, non-religious parodies, and I have many of them. Or maybe you comment on them under some other assumed name under which you hide.
Immoral Liberal - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Again, you failed to address the questions of my posts. And you are anti-gay, you are pro-gun, anti-vibrator sales, pro-war, anti-choice and you believe that your fundamentalist values should be imposed on society. I'm certain that you can point me to bible passages that back-up your pro-war beliefs - might that be "an eye for an eye"? But your selected president didn't get him - instead, he started an unjust war. Congratulations on your non-political, non-religious parodies; but my time is valuable, I don't have a chance to read nor comment on everyone's parodies, including yours. However, like you, I do choose to exercise my right of free speech; especially when it comes to the hypocritical rhetoric and lies put out by you right-wingers. Again, I refer to my first post - do not legislate your morals or values on society. I'll leave you now so that you may go and read the drivel of Terhune's rants. In fewer than 1,000 days, your party will be the out party. I remain, Immoral Liberal

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