Once was a schoolboy with manners so warm
Whose mother had taught him from day he was born
She told him that farting was very bad form
He vowed never to gas away

As he grew, he was mocked by his schoolmates
He was ever so easy to tease
And he earned quite a nickname that fit very well
As the boy who could not cut the cheese

Oh, he clenches his buns to prevent noxious breeze
The uptight young man who could not cut the cheese
He felt that loud farting was a social disease
So he waits till the urge goes away

He'd never eat beans, on broccoli he'd pass
Surrounded by chili, he'd make no foul gas
His friends said that he was a pain in the ass
He'd sit there in obvious pain

Oh, he'd grimace at work, he seemed ready to blow
But no sound or a smell would arise
The sphincter of Atlas he had down below
But he'd often wipe tears from his eyes

Oh, he clenches his buns to prevent noxious breeze
The uptight young man who could not cut the cheese
He felt that loud farting was a social disease
So he waits till the urge goes away

Oh, he wept and he wimpered, was one crying jag
And he spent lots of time in the head with a mag
We went in to check but we never would gag
We told him to go see the doc

He went to the medic, the expert who said
Just tell me the place where it's sore
So he pointed behind and complained it felt dead
For he hadn't broke wind since age four

Oh, he clenches his buns to prevent noxious breeze
The uptight young man who could not cut the cheese
He felt that loud farting was a social disease
So he waits till the urge goes away

So the doc gave him pills, said to take one at night
And before very long he'd be feeling alright
He read'ly obeyed, for relief from his plight
Was a remedy he wanted now

But the story's sad end you might well have forseen
For so late one night there in his room
He lifted his sheets with a match in between
And the neighbors heard a KABOOM!

Oh, he once clenched his buns to prevent noxious breeze
The uptight young man who could not cut the cheese
He felt that loud farting was a social disease
But it finally blew him away