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Song Parodies -> "The Cigarettes"
Original Song Title:
"The Elements (live)"
Original Performer:
Tom Lehrer
Parody Song Title:
"The Cigarettes"
Parody Written by:
Red Ant
The Lyrics
DKTOS? The live version is here. (It's basically 2/3 of the Major-General's Song, sans choruses, with a spoken part in the middle). Have fun trying to sing this!
[37 second intro]
"...This is simply the names of tobacco's chemicals,
set to a readily recognizable tune."
There's Ammonia, Hydrazine (that is rocket fuel), Acetaldehyde
Aromatic Nitrohydrocarbons, Arsenic, Formaldehyde
Nickel, Cadmium, Urethane, Quinoline, CO, Turpertine
Rum, Polonium, Thymol, Tannic Acid, Tar, and Cyanide
Triacetin, 4-(para-Hydroxyphenyl)-2-Butanone
5,7-dihydro-2-methylthieno-pyrimidone
Valerian Root Extract, oil, powder, and 3,4-Xylenol
{gasp!}
All these chemicals make me dizzy; I could use a Tylenol!
There's thiazole and 2,3,5,6-Tetramethylpyrazine
Propionic Acid, Menthol, Maltol, 1-Phenylalanine
Solanone, 5,6,7,8-Tetrahydroquinoxaline
Think it would be safer if I was smokin' leaded gasoline!
"Isn't that a lungful?
Don't worry; it's all good!
I hope you're all packing smokes,
because there's gonna be an intermission soon!"
Three sisters: Methyl, Ethyl, Isobutyl Phenylacetate
Maltyl Isobutyrate and Methyl Dihydrojasmonate
Myristaldehyde, tannic acid, and Phenenthyl Alcohol
Thiazol, Piperonal, Glycerol, Farnesol (that's not all!)
There's Benzyls: Benzoate, Butyrate, Cinnamate, Propionate
Benzoic Acid, resins, Buchu Leaf and Bornyl Acetate
coke, cocoa, caffeine, coconut oil, cubeb, whoa!, that's a lot to say!
{gasp!} Try getting off 6-Acetoxydihydrotheaspirane!
There's Sulfur, Palmitic Acid, Anise, Pyrrole, and Nonanone
You have no clue as how to pronounce these? Hell, you are not alone!
But I figure that you should know what's in a single cigarette
Simply reading the warning labels you might not know what you get
All these ingredients! I don't know exactly what they mean
But what I know is some are dying for their fix of nicotine!
"...This is simply the names of tobacco's chemicals,
set to a readily recognizable tune."
There's Ammonia, Hydrazine (that is rocket fuel), Acetaldehyde
Aromatic Nitrohydrocarbons, Arsenic, Formaldehyde
Nickel, Cadmium, Urethane, Quinoline, CO, Turpertine
Rum, Polonium, Thymol, Tannic Acid, Tar, and Cyanide
Triacetin, 4-(para-Hydroxyphenyl)-2-Butanone
5,7-dihydro-2-methylthieno-pyrimidone
Valerian Root Extract, oil, powder, and 3,4-Xylenol
{gasp!}
All these chemicals make me dizzy; I could use a Tylenol!
There's thiazole and 2,3,5,6-Tetramethylpyrazine
Propionic Acid, Menthol, Maltol, 1-Phenylalanine
Solanone, 5,6,7,8-Tetrahydroquinoxaline
Think it would be safer if I was smokin' leaded gasoline!
"Isn't that a lungful?
Don't worry; it's all good!
I hope you're all packing smokes,
because there's gonna be an intermission soon!"
Three sisters: Methyl, Ethyl, Isobutyl Phenylacetate
Maltyl Isobutyrate and Methyl Dihydrojasmonate
Myristaldehyde, tannic acid, and Phenenthyl Alcohol
Thiazol, Piperonal, Glycerol, Farnesol (that's not all!)
There's Benzyls: Benzoate, Butyrate, Cinnamate, Propionate
Benzoic Acid, resins, Buchu Leaf and Bornyl Acetate
coke, cocoa, caffeine, coconut oil, cubeb, whoa!, that's a lot to say!
{gasp!} Try getting off 6-Acetoxydihydrotheaspirane!
There's Sulfur, Palmitic Acid, Anise, Pyrrole, and Nonanone
You have no clue as how to pronounce these? Hell, you are not alone!
But I figure that you should know what's in a single cigarette
Simply reading the warning labels you might not know what you get
All these ingredients! I don't know exactly what they mean
But what I know is some are dying for their fix of nicotine!
copyright 2006+ Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 4 | 2 | 2 | ||||||||
| 5 | 24 | 26 | 26 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
wow...you really did your homework on this one...impressive
This would make a great gag video....after finishing this at the piano and gasping for air like in the OS, the singer would light up a cig....nice job here, Red Ant, rhyming all those ingredients must have been a nightmare!
Butt-fiendishly clever. Bravo!
Many Marlboro Miles (thank yous) to Alvin, Dee, and John. Two notes: "Acetaldehyde" is five syllables, so contracting "that is" will help pace that line, and I misspelled "turpentine". Oh well...
A smokingly-good song! 544
This was (cough, hack, wheeze) the good sh*t!!!
555.
Jesus Christ, Red, you are killing me! 555
A chemical opera...great job
Awesome job! 555!
All I can say is mein gott! That's why I choke on secondary smoke. 555
Brilliant! Proud to be in your company
can't.......stop........laughing.......(takes a gun and shoots himself, with his last words being , something about three fives)
5's all around yet again Jack! Now I must go out for a smoke!!!
I resemble this parody and posthumously approve!
Wow! Genius at work here:-) As mentioned above, it must have been painstaking work to rhyme all of those chemicals. I like the "Three sisters" line especially.
Many thanks to Jason, Matthias, Step-chan, Agrimorfee, AFW, Jack W, Yoidy, Rick D, Joel, Tam, Marlborough Man, and Rick C. Rick Duncan: It is I who have joined your company as one of the few to tackle this song.
(SOTM) A high vote getter just for all the research...
(SOTM) YIKES. I couldn't even begin to pronounce those. But there were quite a lot of great lines!
SOTM-Good
SOTM - I'll take your word that this fits the OS, or I'll have to put a band aid around my tongue for weeks. The bonus irony of this song is that the lyrics wouldn't even fit on a pack of cigarettes, but possibly on the outside of a terminal tumor.
(SOTM) I TRIED to have singing to it, but I couldn't pronounce them! Wonderfully unhealthy parody, Doctor Ant!
(SOTM) 5s just for daring to do something so mind-numbingly verbose!
I feel a right pedant pointing this out, Jack, but in too many places you've got too many syllables when a slight reordering would have made it work much better (at least, in the first verse - the second half, especially the "three sisters" couplet is spot on). It's a great concept, but to be honest I'm a little disappointed as I know that you can do better.
Thanks for all the votes/comments so far. Phil, you are correct in that the first two lines have 17 syllables vs the correct 16. I addressed the first line error in my 11-17 comment (I kept wanting to pronounce "Acetaldehyde" as "ah-CELL-da-HYDE" instead of its proper way, hence the syllable difference). As for the second line, the "a" in "Aromatic" has to be sung as a cue note. The "coke..." line is a syllable over, that is, unless you pronounce "coconut" as "coke-nut" (i.e., incorrectly, but dialectically correct in the South), or drop the first word.
Thanks for the praise and constructive criticism, and noticing the off-lines; trying to pronounce all these words and get the emphasis right was, not suprisingly, the hardest part of the write.
Thanks for the praise and constructive criticism, and noticing the off-lines; trying to pronounce all these words and get the emphasis right was, not suprisingly, the hardest part of the write.
well i think we will all ace the next chemistry test ! nice work 555
(SOTM) That was freaking crazy go nuts... How did you even think of so many words? My head is sore from all the big words I don't know... like Phenylalanine, Butyrate, Alcohol, There's and of. 5-5-5
(SOTM) See above! 555
Obviously taken from a list of ingredients. Very well-done rebuke to the over-use of chemicals in consumer products.---MM
(SOTM) another one I missed! - sorry Jack! - again a brilliant idea, and brilliantly done - the OS just goes so fast that there was no way I was going to try to evaluate your pacing as i was trying to keep up, so you get the 5s on total and complete and degree-of-difficulty trust! - and the adlib lines were very nicely done too - it also benefits from imagining it being sung with Tom Lehrer's dry delivery - 555
Thanks Tomario, Charnstar, Jack W, Michael M, and Stu. MM: Actually, about 5 "lists" were needed to make this parody. Stu: I've tried singing this; the pronounciations aren't that hard with practice (memorizing this is another matter), but I can only get up to about 80% of Tom Lehrer's speed. I'll need a tongue transplant to get the other 20%! (He sings it probably a good third faster than the PoP version of the "Major-General's Song", so I'm not doing too bad!)
SOTM - "Surgeon General's Warning: Singing about cigarettes may be hazardous to your health, especially if done to the tune of the 'Major-General's Song'."
GASP! 555 MILLIGRAMS OF MYLAUGHCANTHYDE!
The more you know... Doo Dum Dee Daaaaa...
And agreed about your singing comment, Red. Is that seriously all the ingredients?
And agreed about your singing comment, Red. Is that seriously all the ingredients?
(SOTM) This one's going on my favorites list!!! Wonderfully done!
Thanks Jay, Johnny D, Glen and Tim. 2nz: If I listed every ingredient, this parody would be about 20 times longer than it is...
SOTM: You get 555's from me just because you list all the crap in cigarettes (but extra credit for doing an incredible job)!
Sssssssmokin'!
I happen to be a big fan of 5,7-dihydro-2-methylthieno-pyrimidone. And rum.
I happen to be a big fan of 5,7-dihydro-2-methylthieno-pyrimidone. And rum.
(SOTY) The line "There's Benzyls: Benzoate, Butyrate, Cinnamate, Propionate" made me laugh, then cry, then choke suddenly. I don't know how you ever came up with this but, it's still brilliant.
(SOTY) Well, Red Ant this is the second parody by you I've read in this SOTY contest, I think that I liked Battle Hymn better, but this one was good too. . .There are so many entries I think next year we should consider having everyone who has a qualifying song choose which was their best. . .So much to remember. . .but I'm trying.
I agree with Dave on this not being your best, even since you did tell me that you weren't sure about even submitting this for SOTM, but I did love the whole spoken part in the middle and the line, "Think it would be safer if I was smokin' leaded gasoline!"
SOTY - I tried to pace this and just about died. Emphysema? Nah. Just lack of breath from trying to pronounce everything. That and asthma.
Thanks Spaff, Rick, Dave, Matthias and Jay.
Spaff: I was a bit surprised to find "rum" listed as an ingrdient. Must be "Captain Morgue Inn's" rum.
Rick: This idea came by a title sub brainstorming session.
Dave: I liked "Battle Hymn..." better as well, mainly because I can sing that one.
Jay: I haven't taken a stab at recording this in a while... no guarantees that I will, but 911 is only a phone call away, lol.
Spaff: I was a bit surprised to find "rum" listed as an ingrdient. Must be "Captain Morgue Inn's" rum.
Rick: This idea came by a title sub brainstorming session.
Dave: I liked "Battle Hymn..." better as well, mainly because I can sing that one.
Jay: I haven't taken a stab at recording this in a while... no guarantees that I will, but 911 is only a phone call away, lol.
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