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Song Parodies -> "Shooting Bald Eagles on Their Peak"

Original Song Title:

"Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"

Original Performer:

Tom Lehrer

Parody Song Title:

"Shooting Bald Eagles on Their Peak"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has issued a permit for the Northern Arapaho tribe to kill two of the national bird, which is protected under the federal Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act. The feathers and other parts are needed for religious ceremonies, and the quality of the federal inventory of these items has deteriorated over time. Tribe member Winslow Friday was tried for a 2005 taking but the charge was dismissed.

This special permit was issued under a President who insists on fairness, that "everybody plays by the same set of rules." While he refuses to exempt conscientious objectors from Obamacare's mandate for "women's healthcare," his agency accedes to the religious requirements of one minority. Bald eagle killing by anyone else remains a federal crime.

The casual activity to reduce a nuisance bird's population, portrayed in TOS, was acceptable long ago but would cause outrage today and might be outlawed.
Spring is here, Wyoming Spring is here;
Life is victuals from knifing deer.
I think the best hunting time of the year
Is the Spring. I do, don't you? Of course, you do!
But there's one thing that makes Spring complete for me,
And makes every Sunday a treat for me ...

All the world seems in tune on a Spring afternoon
When we're shooting bald eagles on their Peak. [1]
Winslow Friday and me might be part Hopi [2]
As we shoot two bald eagles on their Peak.

When they see us coming, the eagles all fly and hide,
But they're too slow for arrows devoted to final ride.
The sun's shining bright;
Everything seems all right
When we're shooting bald eagles on their Peak.

La la, dum de da da da doo deedeedee ...

We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety
About bald eagle variety with our claims.
Some question our piety and lack of sobriety,
And cite many lies et-c. of done ancient shames.
But Obama says it's not illegal
To want to dispatch a bald eagle.

So if Sunday you're free, why don't you climb with me?
Then we'll shoot two bald eagles on their Peak;
And maybe we'll do in a golden one, too,
While we shoot two bald eagles on their Peak.

We'll murder them both only after grand native chants, [3]
Accepting just two we take home for next Sungod Dance.

My pulse will be quickenin'
When each drops like brick, done in.
We're freed by decision
For sake of religion
To shoot two bald eagles on their Peak.

[1] See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eagle_Peak_(Wyoming). Eagles may not be there (it's over 2 miles high), but this fit TOS's meter.
[2] The Hopi tribe in Arizona has held a permit for golden eagles since the mid-1980s.
[3] Refers to the practice of asking permission of an animal's spirit before killing it.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - March 16, 2012 - Report this comment
I'd change "done ancient" to "ancestral". [3] should include "and forgiveness".
4moreyearsshoulddoit - March 16, 2012 - Report this comment
If Obasturd gets re-elected, he'll grant a waiver to Muslims to practice Sharia Law in there own home.
Dana Mathewson - March 16, 2012 - Report this comment
Regarding protected birds: I recently heard that, after all the hoo-raw about Spotted Owls, and all the land set aside for their protection, the ornery birds still kept on dying. It was finally learned, after I don't know how much of our tax money being spent, that they were succumbing, not to man's encroachment, but to predation by Barred Owls. The only way to protect the Spotted Owls was to shoot the Barred Owls. Bravo for nature's little ironies.
Barry J. Mitchel - March 18, 2012 - Report this comment
4more: Muslims can do that now; but Sharia may creep into local courts.
Dana: The bald eagle was moved from Endangered to Threatened in 1995, and taken off that list in 2007. Their population must have stabilized and now be growing. Eagles help to limit populations of other critters.
Wind farms kill millions of birds - March 18, 2012 - Report this comment
At Altamont Pass, Oakland CA, 70 golden eagles have been killed in one year by the wind farm there. Not to mention 100's of other raptors, owls, hawks, etc. When will some bleeding heart Hollywood lefty come out and protest these atrocities. Oh, I forgot. Libs are so wholeheartedly committed to the failed green movement, they would kill baby seals and any animal on the planet to keep it going.
Patrick - March 19, 2012 - Report this comment
I thought the Constitution required that federal law be applied equally to all citizens and states. If that many predatory birds are being chopped up by windmills, maybe those feathers could be distributed to the tribes. During Prohibition Jewish citizens were allowed a limited amount of wine for religious purposes, and Catholic priests could obtain wine for celebration of the Mass. Amish are allowed to pull their children out of school after the 8th grade, but not Lutherans. Muslims may be exempt from Obamacare, but not Mormons.
Barry J. Mitchel - March 21, 2012 - Report this comment
WFKMoB: The slaughter by windfarms makes the permit for 2 eagles seem trivial, but my main point was favoritism by the unequal application of laws.
Patrick: Thanks for your examples of other cases of special exemptions.

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