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Song Parodies -> "On Hold, Mexico"

Original Song Title:

"In Old Mexico"

Original Performer:

Tom Lehrer

Parody Song Title:

"On Hold, Mexico"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Only the place names in TOS from 1959 have been changed to protect the indolent. Forgive me if I cross more (lyrical) borders than the average undocumented worker does in a lifetime.
No hable Espanol in Tucson or Phoenix;
Won't be long till I'm back once again
On hold, Mexico.
Where I'll live day-to-day,
Never giving a thought to polemics.
They'll be drumming, "Get thee hence!
Just avoid that border fence
Next time, try New Mexico."

The wide Rio Grande River I'll wade,
Where the ranchers shut up if they are paid.
I'll wait on bank, 'cause I'll be wary
Of vigilantes whose guns are scary.

But best of all, I'll go to La Raza, they're super.
Now whenever I'm stopped by state trooper,
I'll survive by departing the scene.
Or framed by telling sway, colored skin, or man el hombre.
If he gives me my Rights de Mirande,
I shall never forget what they mean.

(For there is surely nothing more dutiful in this world
Than the white Am-er-ee-can placing single handcuff on
A half-stoned and angry pot-head!)

Out came the President,
"You're justly a resident;
Rights are constrained if you're booked or detoured."
Then Dem Senators in force,
Each one joined discourse.
I shouted "OK!" ev’ry time one implored.

I cheered at the band of protesters May Day,
As they threw the bull in their own clever way,
For I hadn’t had so much fun since the day
My mom crossed the river
To deliver.

[Mother was thrilled by the Medevac, and birthed a son with
Such grace {and all 'tis free} that the witnesses awarded a
Driver's ID and green card -- but I digress.]

The moment had come,
I'd wallowed in slum,
We knew there’d be floods in the land or on shore.
The crowds smelled the Press,
Hoped that redress
Would frighten a mother-wise, dull governor.

At last, the President did what we wanted him to.
We praised this lord and his game was blue.
In that Moment of Truth, I suddenly knew
That he'd stolen ev'ryone's wallet.

Now it’s a testy time; in black robes they try you,
Send you back to mold guava in jars of jelly or jello.
Here they sway to the likes of the gay, NEA, SEIU.
I don't wish I could get back
To the land where they let back
In a setback when you go
On hold, Mexico. Ole!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
To avoid repeated use, you may change "sway" to "play" near the end. Pronounce Rio as ree-OH and River as ri-VER. I apologize to West Texas ranchers (they may be honest) and undocumented workers but not shirkers or drug dealers.
Dana Mathewson - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Whee! This has always been one of my favorite Lehrer numbers, and you've done a superb job with it.
Mark Scotti - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Did Tom proud! 555 Hat Dances!!!
Barry J. Mitchel - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, DM & MS! I also apologize for leaving "dull" from the OS; it should be "brave Governor." And "preserves" is better than "jelly" for metrical emphasis.
Old Man Ribber - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
I recall that Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano was Governor of Arizona. Who can forget her quote that illegally crossing the border "isn't a crime per se".
theLazyDaisy - May 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Sir, here in NorCAL the MayFirst demos were NOT as big as the media has claimed . . . IWhere were the masses to demonstrate about the 29 Miners who were gassed, or the 2 men that were crushed last week in a Kentucky mine ? ? No one cares about them . . . and they're DEAD ! They suffered throughout their subTerrainian careers so that we Americans can hit a LighSwitch !

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