Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (na-na, yeah)

Asked for a favour, said that's fine, it's true (uh)
I take it back because I learned that you
Don't want some money or a quick car ride
You want your beard to say its last goodbye

I ask you: Why can't you just take (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Your own damn time to shear your own face (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)?

You dodge the question like some kind of arse
Refuse to wonder if it's all that hard
Could turn that back on me, you've got me there
But I stand firm on this: it's your own hair

'Cause it's not my damn job, okay (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)?
A barber, I'm not, so go away (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

You've got hands, mirrors at your place
Shave your beard, it's your problem
Shave your beard, it's on your own face (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Shave your beard, it's your own damn face (uh, tah, so)

Not gonna pick up a razor today (uh)
Won't bring my scissors that close to your face
Yeah, temptation's strong to Sweeney Todd you, right (uh)
'Cause it's so disgustin', it's how I'd survive

Why can't you drive to the hair place (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)? Oh, jerk
Banned? Won't wonder why, your hair's not first-rate (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

It makes me gag, in an awful state
Shave your beard? I don't wanna
I realise it must be done, mate
You need a real damn hairdresser

Shave your beard? Why me? Not my face, oh, yeah (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Shave your beard that's on your own face, yeah (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Refuse to slice your hair today (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Though I just might light it all ablaze

Shave your beard? Sorry, no damn way, you jerk, I said (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Shave your beard on your own dumb face (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Shave your beard? Good luck with that mate (ooh-ooh) (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Shave your beard on your own today (ooh-ooh) (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)