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Song Parodies -> "Coke Gives Them Red Eyes"

Original Song Title:

"Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"

Original Performer:

The Platters

Parody Song Title:

"Coke Gives Them Red Eyes"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

They have their cans of brew
An’ they have coke, too
I, of course, despise
Something so unwise
Much to their surprise

They have their toot and find
All their teeth then grind
Strain on hearts is dire
Change of pupil size
Coke gives them red eyes

So I laughed and said, “I think you’re daft…
To put the stuff up your nose”
Big outlay, then noses run all day
I am for nowt up nose
(For nowt up nose)

Now scared, their heads are fried
Fears, they cannot hide
Paranoid display
With the charlie came lies
Coke messed up them guys

Coke messed up them guys

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 5

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User Comments

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Patrick - November 03, 2010 - Report this comment
I knew a guy who lost his business, then his brain, and by now, probably his life, from cocaine (crack). Your song pretty much tells the story. Hard for a non-doper to figure out what coke heads get from their habit.
Tommy Turtle - November 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Assume "nowt" is UK for "naught"? .... Nice and to the point. 555 lines -- uh, n/m. :-D

@ Patrick: I guess you'd have to try it to know.... No, I never have, but know someone who has. Told me, "Don't do it". Me: "Not as good as claimed?" Them: "No, it's *too* good. Too easy to get into the habit". (They didn't.)

Guess virgins don't know why some of us have sex habits, and it's difficult to explain to them what we get out of it. ;-D
TJC - November 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Five squirts of Visine and a date with Lohan!
Andy P - November 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for v's & c's

Patrick - never known any crackheads but I've known a few smackheads (but not for long - they very quickly became social outcasts). Two things that they're guaranteed to get from their habit - empty pockets & an empty head.

TT - Nowt = nothing (north of England dialect)
LOL @ 555 lines - reminded me of being back in school!

- TJC - There would certainly be 5 squirts of something!
TT - November 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Coke (powder) and crack (rock) are two different substances -- or rather, two different chemical forms of the same main ingredient. Look them up ... Coke is turned into crack by a process that usually involves heating, producing a cracking sound, hence, then name. Comedian Richard Pryor famously set himself on fire doing this in his home.

"For professionals only -- do *not* try this at home" :D .... The reason: Crack can be smoked, which gets it to the brain faster; hence, a quicker and more intense "high". Coke powder is cut very finely -- the old "razor blade" thing you see in movies and TV - and snorted. Unfortunately, over time, this damages the membranes in the nasal passages, which can lead to hemorrhaging, sometimes fatal. Another motivation to develop the smokable form, despite the danger of the process.

Powdered coke is often arranged in a thin line on a hard, smooth surface, then snorted by going down the line, perhaps with a drinking straw. Hence, "lines" -- not the meaning from your school days.

Both cocaine and heroin are used on an occasional, recreational basis by some people, just as alcohol is consumed by many people on a social basis, whereas some percentage become addicts (alcoholics).

The immediacy of addiction of cocaine and opiates (morphine, heroin, etc.) is greatly overstated by Gov and media. Some legal prescription drugs, e. g., Xanax™, are much more rapidly addicting. Addiction-prone personalities exist, and some people just enjoy the results so much that they become psychologically, not physically, habituated. Sort of like sex is to most of us guys, LOL (but serious on the analogy.)

Not that I'm recommending any of them, mind you, Just that I know you appreciate having the facts. Cheers (raises glass of water).

Security code: CQK. (seriously) lol.
Old Man Ribber - November 04, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm "snorting" with laughter at this one. Good job. ;D
Andy P - November 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks OMR

Thanks TT - I've seen a few TV docs about coke & crack (& one recently about crystal meth which is even worse - it seems the US is having a lot of problems with that at the moment).
BR> Yes, I knew the difference. The parody was about powder (obviously, with references like toot, noses & charlie). I only mentioned crack because that was what Patrick was referring to.

It cracked me up when I first heard the Richard Pryor story.
BR> Damage to the membranes is a bit of an undertatement. Status Quo were serious cokeheads in the 70's & 80's. Their singer/guitarist, Francis Rossi, has a hole in his septum. A Brit actress, Daniella Westbrook, lost hers completely and had to have her nose rebuilt.

The school lines was just a (feeble) joke.

Did you know that some people inject coke and smack together (a speedball). That's what finished off John Belushi.

It seems to me that smack (heroin) is much more addictive than coke. Some of my school friends began using smack. They started by smoking it (chasing the dragon), but all ended up as full-time injecting junkies (and social pariahs). I know that 2 of them are now dead, and wouldn't be surprised if the others are as well. From what I've seen of it, I'd seriously warn anyone off of trying it - even once.

I do appreciate having the facts, so thanks for coming back with some.
Tommy Turtle - November 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Yes, I knew of the speedball and Belushi.

Membrane damage "understatement"? My comment said that it was "sometimes fatal". Not seeing the understatement there.... ;D

More little-known facts: Heroin is merely diacetyl-morphine. It was invented as a cure for morphine addiction. The inventor tested it on himself and other physicians/scientist by using it every day for a week. None of them became addicted, so there you go: Some people have addiction-prone personalities, or find that life sucks so badly without drugs (such as alcohol), that they self-medicate, if ill-advised, to deal with their pains. Or, as said, that they enjoy the results so much that they're driven to repeat it.

One researcher gave rats morphine for 57 days straight (that's equal to about two years of a human lifespan), then put them in a large, comfortable environment with plenty of food, toys to play with and wheels to run on, and room to roam, mate, and raise a family. These rats showed almost no preference for morphine-laced water vs. plain water. Rats in the typical cramped and overcrowded cage did, though.

(That came from the WkiP article on "morphine". You might check it out.)

Conclusion: Animals, including people, who are in miserable, painful, or stressful situations will use substances that will ease their pain. Surprise. Imagine yourself in prison, and perhaps in solitary confinement, for life. You might hit the drugs, too, if offered.

FWIW, yours truly once had morphine around the clock (including IV drip while asleep) for a week straight, to deal with severe post-surgical pain. When the pain abated and the drug was discontinued, there was absolutely *no* withdrawal, craving, or urge to use it again -- unless put in a similar situation of extreme pain.

AFAIK, physicians in the US can prescribe heroin for patients -- typically cancer patients with very little time left to live -- if the pain is not controllable with lesser narcotics such as morphine. Not very many do, as they don't care to have the stuff around (target for thieves), or are afraid of the stigma attached to it. Whichever, since the world sometimes gives us great physical pain, it's the world's blessing to have the poppy flower to ease it, when appropriate.

Still very much against recreational use, because, just as with alcohol, some people will become dependent and/or overdose -- like the ones you knew.. (It's not rare for people to die of alcohol overdose, and from alcohol withdrawal.)

Singer Stevie Nicks was given the prescription anticonvulsant and anti-anxiety drug Klonipin (clonazepam), a descendant of Valium, to help her get off of cocaine. She said that getting off of Klonipin was much harder than kicking cocaine. 47 days of misery vs. 2-3 days of the most severe symptoms of cocaine withdrawal. There have been many deaths from Klonipin withdrawal (convulsions, seizures, arrhythmias, etc.) Ref:

Prescription drug industry has physicians and government brainwashed. Priorities and risk assessment are screwed up. It's better not to take *anything*, of course, but the risks and deaths from prescription drugs are way understated. Far more people die from them (10,000 deaths a year in the US from aspirin and relatives), and alcohol and tobacco kill hundreds of times as many people as all illicit drugs combined. (Yes, they're easier to come by, but street drugs are often adulterated. ) Cheers.
Andy P - November 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for the reply, TT, and...10,000 - Wow! I never would have guessed it would be that many.
Dr. T. (not really) - November 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy P: Aspirin and related drugs cause gastrointestinal bleeding. This can be as fatal as the nasal membrane bleeding from snort. ; ) Acetaminophen (I think that's paracetamol in the UK - Tylenol™ is a US brand) causes liver damage with prolonged use, such that there is now a warning not to use it (other than maybe a day or two) if you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks a day (who doesn't? LOL! ), and not to use it chronically regardless.

I would have sworn that I had a table of "Causes of death in the US for the year X" in the discussion comments at one of my songs, on a similar topic -- the overstatement of risk of socially-disapproved drugs and understatement of risk of approved ones -- but I tried Scroogling my own songs for it, and couldn't find it, else it would have been in the previous comment.
          I'm about done with this topic for now, but if you're curious, try similar search terms for the entire Web, not just my songs (maybe I posted it at someone else's song; as you get older, the second thing to go is your memory). Try "Causes death US" or something. Interesting to see the UK stats, too, and see if the proportions are similar or different. Cheers.
Andy P - November 10, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - here's a few figures that I found for nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug deaths. They differ so much that's it's impossible to make a comparison:

Total deaths USA = 40,000 per year, of which 16,500 occur among patients with rheumatoid arthritis or osteoarthritis (The New England Journal of Medicine 1999).

Total deaths USA = 7,600 per year (American College of Physicians 1997).

Total deaths UK per year = 2,500 (Oxford scientists' Bandolier journal).

Pop. USA = 310,000 & UK = 62,000, so 5:1 ratio.

With figures like that, it's no wonder that a survey can be made to give whatever result is needed for the people conducting it!
TT - November 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Those are pretty old figures - 1997-99. I think awareness and reporting probably increased since then. Still, probably around 10-15,000/yr in US, which would fit well with 2,500 in UK @ 5:1 population ratio.

Agree on the difficulty of who's counting, how, and when. Probably some doctors and hospitals cover it up to avoid lawsuits.... Good site on overall causes:

Most notable facts are that tobacco is the biggest killer, and prescription drugs kill far more people than all illicit ones combined. Cheers! :)

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