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Song Parodies -> "Crack Gets Thin Wh*re, Guys!"

Original Song Title:

"Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"

Original Performer:

The Platters

Parody Song Title:

"Crack Gets Thin Wh*re, Guys!"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Asked me what I'd do
For a ten or two
(Round - the - world, I'd go?)

I, so coarse, replied
"Something else, provide
"Then you'll get your ride"

Said, "Where can I find
"What you have in mind?"
(Told - where, spend his dough)

"Win your hard's desire:
"Corner dealer's rocks
"Get me in your jocks"

So, he shelled --
-- Out; I lit up and smelled
Aroma; inhale, I love

Had his way:
I do it night and day
I trade my tail, my "love"

Men line up, whole crew
I weigh ninety-two   [1]
(But - I - love my pay!)

Stand on street and say
"Guys, you wanna come play?
"Crack gets you a lay"

Crack: - get - in - my - thighs!

[1] ~ 42 kg

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I've seen women like that on certain street corners. I would be afraid to talk to one of them from across the road, let alone approach or get intimate. Must be some desperate people out there. When the cops ran a decoy sting operation you could spot them right away. They looked like they were still alive. During all the years I worked in that neighborhood, I never saw a real hooker get picked up. I never saw a decoy who failed to get a hit within five minutes.
Old Man Ribber - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
This one "rocks"! ;D
TJC - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
42 kg of 'crack-me-up'! Yer on a roll--or is that a pipe?
John Barry - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I cwhortled.
Anonymous - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
This is a good parody. One thing I kind of want to warn you about though a couple days ago someone who did a running parody a couple years ago got 1 bombed because there was some lingo in it that most people associate with drugs. It was meant to be something completely different. The parodist was expressing his feelings about the psychological benefits about running. The person ranted saying that drugs are not funny and shouldn't be joked about. Then she went on and on about how they kill people every year and wanted the parodist to consider others feelings when writing his lyrics. I think this person had a bad experience which may explain why she said what she said. I still think she was so angry she couldn't see what the parodist's real intent was which was his feelings about running and found her insulting not wanting to see his side to it. The parody was done a couple years ago and should have just let it go. I think you did a good parody but wanted to give you a little heads up.
Kristof Robertson - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
A worthy challenger to John Barry in the crazy phrasing department...but any parody that fuses hard drugs and the Platters together deserves big triple nickel. 555
Tommy Turtle - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Patrick: Agree completely. I know someone who used to be on the Vice Squad. They all laughed at how the Johns never noticed that the "real" $20 streetwalkers were skanks with scabs from who-knows-where, rotten teeth, tats all over the place, vs. the hot young decoy cop. Guess they thought they just got lucky for a twenty.
  Also,, the line of men didn't noticed that the guys in front of them went into the motel room, but never came back out - like the Roach Motel. Guess they figured the guys left by the back door - which they did, to the waiting police van. I could only comment that at a time like that, they're "thinking" with the little head instead of the big one.

Old Man Ribber: LOL! :-)

TJC: I'll never tell! heh! (LOL @ "crack-me-up". Old joke: "Confucius say girl who fly airplane upside down have crack-up". ;)

John Barry: C*nt argue with that!

Anonymous: If I had a nickel for every Unabomb I've ever gotten, I'd not be sitting here writing parodies, I'd be out on my yacht with a load of hotties.... did you note that *this* parody has already been bombed? I and some others here have a stalker or two. We just ignore it. Thanks anyway -- and can you come up with a better pseudonym than "anonymous"? This is the place to let your creativity run wild! .... Some day, I'll come up with a pseudonym, but I have so many parodies posted under my real name, Tommy Turtle, that it would be an awkward change... :-D

Kristof Robertson: Not quite sure what was so crazy about the pretty-straightforward phrasing here (as compared to some oTThers, definitely), but hey, any comparison to JAB is always flattering. .. Thanks for the Platters/drug props, and see yesterday's "Coke Is Thin Girl's Prize (Paris Hilton Theme Song)" for another example of same.
Thanks for v/c!
parodyholic - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
No I didn't note about this parody being bombed. It was a song called LSD Song which is a runner's term for Long Slow Distance. The unibomber misunderstood and got angry at the person who wrote it. The person wanted to be creative with his love for running and should understand that he can't please everybody.
Christie Marie M - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
OS' sounds better when spoofed. Another great one from you for the day, TT! Great puns as well. Looking forward to your group tribute tomorrow (Friday). 555.
Tommy Turtle - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
parodyholic (join the club!): Used to be an LSD runner myself, and those endorphins do indeed produce the "runner's high", since "endorphin: is just a contraction of "endogenous morphine", and the brain wouldn't have opiate receptors if it didn't intend to use them in response to severe stress, etc.
  This is one reason I use footnotes, which some people don't like, either -- to explain things with which every reader might not be familiar, or understand.

Christie Marie M: It *does* lend itself to spoofery, doesn't it? :) Thanks, and see ya there!

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