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Song Parodies -> "Coke Is Thin Girl's Prize (Paris Hilton Theme Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"

Original Performer:

The Platters

Parody Song Title:

"Coke Is Thin Girl's Prize (Paris Hilton Theme Song)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Asked me how I blew:
Hundred dash: 9-2   [1]

I, of course, replied
"Snort up here inside
"Fast lane, quickly ride"

Said, "Some day you'll find
"Jail bars, you're behind"   [A]
(Ten to twenty-five)

"Though it lights your fire
"Stimulant, supplies
"One day, your heart fries"

But I sniffed --
-- Some, and I got my lift
Just one more small bag of "blow"

Yet, today
To jail, I'm on my way
Some day, they'll tag my toe   [2]

Sneering folks deride
"Crossbar Hilton", hied   [3]
(Get - me - outttahere)

But I smile and say,
"Thanks to early release
"Soon, I'll Rest In Peace"

Coke - soon - Par-Is - Dies!

[1] I. e., run the hundred-meter dash in 9.2 seconds. (Despite US stubborn idiocy regarding metrics, the global predominance in track and field is rendering the 100-yard dash obsolete, even within this backwards world leader.)
Current *men's* world record is 9.58 seconds, set by Jamaica's Usain Bolt in 2009, breaking his own 2008 Olymipics record. Women's world record of 10.49 seconds has been held since *1988* by Florence Griffith-Joyner of the US, who died of epilepsy at age 38. (Not going anywhere with a possible connection, thank you.)

[A] Alternate: "Jail bars: your behind", except that thanks to all that coke, she doesn't have one, at least, not of any substance. ("Substance" -- oh, T...)

[2] As is done to bodies in the morgue - tag attached to toe with cadaver's name and other info.

[3] Verrrrry old police slang, long before Ms. Paris: "Crossbar Hilton" = jail.

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Nick Zeman - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Right on! Great parody!
Old Man Ribber - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I guess if she actually DID anything for a living, she'd have to care about her public image. This is a nice warm-up for your main event parody of the day. And for me, the before dinner drink is often the high point of the meal! ;D
Patrick - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I always thought she was named for where her parents conceived her. What does she do for a living? I can't imagine going to jail for a few hours for driving drunk or being caught with dope is a very lucrative career. I'd like to have the opportunity to prove that having that much money would not ruin my life. Or at least I'd find some more clever way to waste myself than drugs.
TJC - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Pun night in Paris with many many excellent 'lines'!! I knew there was a meth-lab to your madness! Here's hopin' you'll next be giving us the lowdown on Lohan!
Tommy Turtle - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Nick Zeman: Thanks - and pleased to meet you!

Old Man Ribber: Thanks - really - but if this song is the high point compared to "Major-General", then the latter must be pretty poor. ... oh, *I* get it -- "HIGH point" - LOL!!!!!! (Turtles are slow, you know!) :-D

Patrick: What she does for a living is be a spoiled, rich heiress to the Hilton Hotel chain. Such people usually don't turn out too well... I'd like that opportunity, too, but you and I would appreciate it precisely *because* we weren't born into it and didn't grow up with it. Thanks for v/c.

TJC: ROFL @ HAMmer-LETting down! Paris' meth'll-ab-solutely "blow" up one day. ;) ... and methinks Lohan can't go any loher....
Fiddlegirl - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
"The Last Time I Saw Paris, she sniffed ten lines a day...." Poor little rich girls. LOL @ reply to TJC :)
Tommy Turtle - September 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl: That might be the last time anyone sees her - we can only hope! ('Course, if she sniffs much more, she could turn sideways and no one could see her!) Thanks for v/c!

3-3-3 Voter: If you don't think it's funny, fine; that's your call. But still waiting for you to post specific examples of the pacing errors, by putting the "bad" lines up next to the corresponding OS lines. I'm always eager to improve my skills, and can't do that if you won't be specific. Looking forward to it.
  Or else, vote whatever you want on "funny", but if you can't cite a pacing error (or several, for a "three", then "5" is the appropriate vote, here or at any other song by anyone. Cheers.
TT @ 111 - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Ah, so having been asked to justify the pacing "3", you get your panties in a twist and vote Ones in a hissy fit. How mature!

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