SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

Turnbull
Speaker of the House,
Charming as can be,
Ready with a welcome
Here as you can see.
Full of self-respect,
Known throughout the land.
Members here appreciate a good strong hand.
Don’t do anyone no favour,
Though they think it’s just a game,
In power or opposition
Everyone is treated just the same!

Speaker of the House,
Try to keep some poise,
Ready to eject them
If they make a noise.
Loonies on the Left,
Loonies on the Right,
Picking any reason
Just to start a fight.
Everybody loves a barney,
Everybody loves to shout.
I bring them all to order
Lord! I know they know what I’m about!

MPs
Speaker of the House,
Always on the ball,
Never lets a member speak
Unless he’s called.
Sometimes he is slick,
Sometimes round the bend;
Curious and spurious
But still a friend.
Nobody would want another,
Nobody would swop their shirts.

Turnbull
But if you’re out of order
Lord! I’ll go and kick you where it hurts!
(To another new MP)
Please come in sir,
Take off your coat.
Listen to me
And kindly take note.
This bar looks fun
But don’t be fooled,
The beer is warm,
The wine isn’t cooled.
Here the cook is goosed!
She’s rather fat you see,
She’s nothing if not loose
Not the type for me!
Food is pretty dear,
Careful with the course.
Think you’re eating beef when
It could well be horse!

Take a tip from me,
Never have the soup;
Simmering for ages and
It tastes like poop!
Diners here are rarely happy,
Think they’re taken for a ride.
Terribly high charges
Even more for something on the side.

Menus all the same
Always very tame,
Chefs, they have a laugh, to them it’s all a game!
Meat is always cold,
Salad always hot,
Having to be putting up with what you’ve got.
When they come to ask for payment,
Be advised to check the slip.
Verify the order
Can you still afford it?
Lord! I wouldn’t bother with a tip!

MPs
Speaker of the House,
Always on the ball,
Never lets a member speak
Unless he’s called.
Sometimes he is slick,
Sometimes round the bend,
Curious and spurious
But still a friend.
Everybody loves a barney,
Everybody loves to shout.

Turnbull
If they’re out of order
Lord! I give no quarter and they’re out!

Disgruntled MP
I lived in hope
That I could take his place.
This lord almighty
Like to punch him in the face.
Speaker of the House?
Always on my wick!
Thinks he’s something special but
He makes me sick!

Hasn’t got a brain,
Been here far too long,
Often wonder if he
Knows his right from wrong.
Never makes a sound decision,
Saddled with a little mouse.
Couldn’t be much weaker
How I hate this speaker of the House!

MPs
Speaker of the House!

Disgruntled MP
Speaks a load of yap!

MPs
Curious and spurious

Disgruntled MP
Huh, it’s all just crap!

MPs
Tries to help the Left
Tries to help the Right

Disgruntled MP
Never helps a bugger
And he’s always tight!

Turnbull
Everybody loves the Speaker
No-one ever shouts ME down!

Disgruntled MP
The truth is he is hated, highly over-rated, and a clown!