THE HOUSE OF COMMONS

MPs
Mr barman please,
Let’s have refills in all these.
What’s the special of the day?

Turnbull
OK you lot,
Listen up to what I’ve got,
Since I am the Speaker.

MPs
Never mind that bum!
Barman, over here!

Turnbull
(to himself) Calling me a bum!
(to the MPs) Gentlemen, please!

MPs
This here beer it tastes like piss,
It’s the same thing every day.
The Speaker over there
Comes each day on the tube,
Starting off at Waterloo.
Gets here, they say
Having fought his way through,
Caught in rush hour all the way.
Fighting through the crowds,
Squashed in very tight
Suffering each morning
And the same at night.
He makes it here on time
Just as Big Ben chimes.

Turnbull
My, what a lot,
The din that they all make.
All go to pot, no doubt they’re on the take.
Parties galore,
Spend their time in the bar,
Driving off drunk in their car.
Then send in their claims
For expenses spent on their dames!

MPs
This beer is rough,
And if that’s not enough,
Can’t afford the prices here.
Call it light ale!
Very flat and very stale.
This is going to cost him dear
Barman over here!
Where’s he gone to now?
I can’t drink this muck!
Perhaps I’ll have a glass of wine
A large one, before I have to go and see that swine.

Turnbull
Come in, madam, pull up a chair
And have a drink.
There’s no need to stare,
They often wink,
None of them good,
Don’t give a stink!
And cheat if they could.
Rarely will you find
Someone who is kind,
A man who knows he can
Help you to unwind…