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Song Parodies -> "(Three) Hundred Songs"

Original Song Title:

"Sixteen Tons"

Original Performer:

Tennessee Ernie Ford

Parody Song Title:

"(Three) Hundred Songs"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Sorry for fiddling with the title, but wanted to use a different OS from that used for the 100th parody and that used for the 200th. Couple of bonus verses for the occasion.

Some... people say a gal is t*tties and buns
A writer's made outta' rhyming and puns
Sesquipe-dal-ianisms, long [1]
A pea-brain a-weak and a shell that's strong

Write three hundred songs, what do you get?
A ChuckyG scolding and Chia Fur Pet™
St. Peter, don't ya call me, 'cause I can't go
I've blasphemed you twenty times, maybe more

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I picked up a puter and I put down a line
I penned sixteen puns of asinine soul
And before I knew, I'd-a' reached my goal

Write three hundred songs, what do you get?
A red-hot sports car, but it's Barbie's Corvette
My readers: 50,000 or more page hits
But most of them: paro-dies about t*ts.

I wrote songs one mornin', readers sizzle in pain
Entendre-double is my fav'rite game
Always i-cononclastic, full of chutzpah and gall
Without discrimination; I offend them all!

Write three hundred songs, whaddya got?
A rep as conceited; an arrogant snot
St. Peter, dont'you call me, 'cause I can't go
Condemned, my soul; readers; place down below

Careful: read my punnin', whether funny or snide
A lotta' folks giggled; lotta' laughed till they died
One flipper's iron-...-y; other one, wit
Although some folks don't-a' "get" me, sometimes score a hit

Write three hundred songs, what do you get?
Some trollin' and flamin' and triple-1 set
St. Chucky, don't black-ball me; I barely crawl
But try my best: entertainin' 'em all

I was born one mornin' - 'scuse me, hatched from an egg
A cute girl walked by me, and I jumped on her leg
I jumped upon her leg, and crawled right on up
Tiny turtle gets first a-taste of schtup

Write three hundred songs, what do you get?
Another cold shoulder for doin' Ham-let
St. Chucky, don't you ban me, 'cause I can't go
I might write 'nother three hundred or more

[1] "Sesquipedalianism" -- literally (Latin) "something a foot and a half long", i. e. any very long word, like, say, "sesquipedalianism"

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Great retrospect on what goes on behind that shell. 300 sets of fives...Congrats!!
Timmy1000 - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Congrats on reaching 300. Triple 5 set from me.
Old Man Ribber - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Congrats on your tricentennial! ;D
DJ Blaze - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
This is blasphemy... this is madness! Madness?... THIS IS SPARTA!!!! (That was a quote from the movie "300") Congratulations on the 300th parody! I'm still hoping I'll reach 100 before the end of the year, but with me being sick right now, I'm in a hiatus. 555
Christie Marie M - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Jazzy and snazzy, Tommy Turtle! Congrats on Parody 300! I echo all comments above! Shelling out 5's for ya! Slow and steady wins the pace!
Fiddlegirl - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I got yer triples right here, TT...

Fave lines: "I penned sixteen puns of asinine soul"
"One flipper's iron-...-y; other one, wit"
"Another cold shoulder for doin' Ham-let"

Sec code: SQP, as in "Sesquipedalianism" ;)
John Barry - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Congrats on 300, TT!
AFW - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Funny self tribute..and happy don't look a day over 299
Below Average Dave - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Congratulations! I forgot to tribute 200. . .but I did a tribute to my 99th parody! Appropriate song for the occasion.
alvin - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
i was shellshocked by the hilarity of put the "terra" into terrapin
Tommy Turtle - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Thanks ... now I don't have to write those next 300 after all -- already got the Fives! ;) (really, thanks, Mark.)

Timmy1000: Thanks to you, too, Timmy.

Old Man Ribber: Even being a turtle, I'm not quite *that* old lol! ... thanks OMR!

DJ Blaze: Sorry to hear of your illness, and best wishes for a speedy recovery. Thanks for managing to read anyway, and for v/c.

Christie Marie M: Thanks! More like "fast but unsteady", but still got there :) ... thanks for v/c.

Fiddlegirl: Is there no end to the spookiness? Guess not.... I do believe I'll have me one of those triples right now, thank you... and the second.. (gulp) and the thurrrddddd.... thanks for v/c, my partner in rhyme.

John Barry: In all fairness to you, I took the easy way out, by doing over 200 different OSs rather than doing the same OS 300 times, which would have been much harder. But thanks anyway :)

AFW: Aw, shucks, yer just sayin' that... we turtles don't show our age... and you don't look a day over 1600 yourself! ... thanks for v/c.

Below Average Dave: Thanks for v/c, BAD-ass Dave!
TT - August 29, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin: cross-posted and missed your comment, sorry.. LOL! thanks!
Tommy Turtle - August 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Doc M: Thanks very much. There are a lot of people who've done more -- 26 of them, actually -- some, over 2,000 songs. The Real World has taken TT away from here for months on end at times, and when here, he does *try* to go for max quality without worrying about quantity. 300 thanks for the fives!
adagio - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Congrats on 300!

Sctup is what you call it now and just outta the shell!! .'Some trollin' and flamin' and triple-1 SET' as in drink?
TJC - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
"Max quality" indeed! You definitely don't get your caffeine from 'Read Bull'! And, furthermore, me thinks The Turtle is too modest... "double entendre"? My ass! More like triple or quintuple! Happy TricenTenial!!!!
TJC - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
oops... should have read: Happy TripenTenial!
TT - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
adagio: I'd enjoy that drink with you some time :) "schtup" is from Yiddish, but worked its way into common vernacular, especially after being used extensively in Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein". (It was one of the characters' names.) Thanks for v/c/c (congrats) :D

TJC: Whichever way it reads, thanks much for the felicitations!

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