He takes his orders from the See;
he might as well live there.
He goes every Sunday to mass
and bows his head in prayer.
“Originalist, simple!”
he claims with righteous flair.
Let’s see: Founding Fathers favored slavery.

He treats Court like a chapel
and he has medieval zeal.
He don’t believe in anything
that to him don’t appeal.
I think you’d have to say that
this guy’s worldview is unreal.
Scalia’s no asset to judiciary.

I’m willing to bet that some on his staff
behind his back just laugh.

How do you solve a problem like Scalia?
It ain’t likely like the Pope he’ll step down.
How do you find a word that means Scalia?
Not “friggin’ idjit,” though there’s many in this town.

He thinks that all he knows—he’s a smart feller;
it’s too bad that Medieval is his stand.
So, he will not go away—
we must listen to him bray.
This activist rules on laws of the land.

So how do you solve a problem like Scalia?
If you don’t share his beliefs, then you’re damned.

Many lawyers he’s abused
when he has not been amused
that their arguments are not part of God’s plan.
To his prejudices tethered;
his nest on the bench is feathered.
Often snarling like a demon, not a man.

He could never face arrest;
with a sinecure he’s blessed.
As with all D.C. . . .don’t live in the real world.
Some worship him, some revile
his antediluvian style.
He’s a headcase with Vatican flag unfurled.

How do you solve a problem like Scalia?
It ain’t likely like the Pope he’ll step down.
How do you find a scourge like mean Scalia?
Get him appointed by another clown.

He thinks that all he knows—he’s a fart smeller. . .
sorry, that spoonerisms not so grand.
So, he will not go away—
that is, till his dying day.
And his mute minion Clarence lends a hand.

So how do you solve a problem like Scalia?
Wait till he’s six feet under in the land.