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Song Parodies -> "The Scribes of/Eyes on the Scraped-Thin Palimpsest, Part 6"

Original Song Title:

"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Part 6"

Original Performer:

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Parody Song Title:

"The Scribes of/Eyes on the Scraped-Thin Palimpsest, Part 6"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

The telly he watched briefly, then
He tired of the lame viewing.
He fed his pet a fine repast;
Gratefully it was mewing.

Fatigue had seized him; off to snore
Is where he’d go and fast
To get eight hours of silent sleep…
Nocturnal die was cast.

On the pillow his head lay low
As to the bed he jumped in.
Counted two sheep, then went to sleep—
Poor guy was all done in.

Synapses got a neural blast,
As racing was his mind.
Although he was at work no more…
Could not leave it behind.

Movement of eyes was rapid; prize
Of dreams was what awaited.
But even so, his dreams weren’t slow—
As though he weren’t sedated.

Despite consciousness being gone,
His mind was not in tether.
Throughout the night, his dreams took flight
And were light as a feather.

He was back at work, to inspect
Dim specks that did not glitter.
But he saw on the page arise
Grains that looked like cat litter.

Amazing what the page can’t hide,
Even unto this day.
The irony can’t be denied,
In what the symbols say.

He read all about a fierce war
That was raging between
Two animals that used their paws
In expressing their spleen.

Fight between felis and Fido
Was coming to a head.
Beastly battle continued on
As shed was lots of red.
The combat would go on, it seemed,
Till one of them was dead!

A galling scene—appalling, mean,
The two combatants frayed.
The fur flew, and much blood was seen…
As if each had a blade.

The tableau made was very bleak;
Devoid of sheltering
Was each, with breached muzzles and ears.
’twas such a hellish thing.

With skin ripped and partially stripped
Were these mad battling two.
Which would be the first deceased?
They fought to see it through.

The dream deployed with greater speed,
Creating a frenzy.
There’d be a kill; neither would shirk
What each thought its duty.

From fact the dream wasn’t too far,
As sometimes is the way.
The dreamer’s pet often craved cod…
Sometimes got a filet.

His was a recalcitrant cat
That prowled around the room.
It slept all day; at night it played
With pals ’neath a full moon.

It loved to scrap with all it met,
So often to a doc
That was a vet, he’d bring his pet
For sanguinary caulk.

That night there was no foe to fight;
Into the room it came
To pretend its owner’s a cur
That it has yet to tame.

Meanwhile, the dream crescendos now;
The winner has cat hair.
The reverie is now in check,
But tension’s in the air.

And spoiling for a spat, the cat,
With clue just what it would
Decide to do, in its sick view.
The deed would not be good.

The feral plan: attack the man,
Whose sleep is still not light.
To jump up on to the bed, and
Scratch, hiss, and claw and bite!

Into the man it sank its fangs,
Which gave him quite a start.
Not only did he feel fear’s pangs,
But darting was his heart.

Up from the bed he soars, then roars
As gore pours from his ears.
But his pet is not yet at bay;
Claws cause sanguinary smears.

The feline’s feeling frightful joy;
it’s caused many a gash.
The guy is like a kitty toy
That’s been severely slashed.

The man is faced now with no choice:
A cudgel’s what he should
Quickly deploy to save his limbs,
Else they will be no good.
No vet, yet he puts pet away…
Inters it in the woods.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   26

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