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Song Parodies -> "Crust Rimes on the Ancient Mariner, Part II"

Original Song Title:

"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Part II"

Original Performer:

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Parody Song Title:

"Crust Rimes on the Ancient Mariner, Part II"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

His sunderer still rose upright,
Though 't'ad debouched CCs.
And slid the mist from many clefts
To their nautical knees.

And a gooed mouth wind still blew behind,
But no sweet burp did follow
Nourishment after 'twas belayed,
Much like marinara swallowed.

Yet still, he had a swellish thing,
And it had worked 'em woe
For all averred his drill was burred
And made their breeches go.
A wrench, said they, bum berms to splay
And make their breeches glow.

Undinted, red, his rod's own head
In glory holes still uprist.
They still averred his drill was burred
And sought a groggy mist.
No laudanum for pain had they—
Naught but their groggy mist.

A hair breeze blew and white foam flew;
The furrow swallowed free.
To slake their thirst, they let him burst
Them with a sliment sea.

Down dropped breeches; sailors dropped down
'Twere sacks that lacketh seed.
That could not peak and yet were piqued
By their mate's lingual knead.

Their balls were hot. . .head-copper nigh
And ruddy buns were groomed
Right up above, his mast did stand,
Prepared to frig a moon.

Spray after spray, spray after spray,
He struck with brethren lotion
And slideth till his poignard slip
And pointeth toward the ocean.

Wankers, wankers, everywhere,
Their yanked halyards unkink.
Wankers wafted everywhere—
Spore drops plopped in the drink.

Into the deep they'd shot: "O!" cries.
Then levered mist did cease.
And riming on their legs did crawl
Scum on their slimy knees

A snout, a snout, to feel them out
Their clefts tired, though still tight.
To stop their slots from itching—oil
From a sperm whale, so white.

Their bums of cream assurèd were
From the spritz that bathed them so.
Nine fathoms deep in their hollows thrust,
The gland with mist white as snow.

And every tongue suffered no drought
And diddled with his root.
They could not speak whilst he were stiff,
As all were choked with shoot.

He'd found his way in cleavened nooks—
Nad spree in hole and bung.
Though much were lost, in all butts tossed,
The mariner, still hung.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
I bet you feel a lot better now.
Johnny D - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
And let me add: Heh heh heh, 5 5 5, arrrh arrrh ARRRRRRRRHHH !!!
John Barry - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD. This is getting to be too much of a goo thing. The original has VII parts, and there's no way I, or anyone else, could stand V more. I may do one more, in which the mariners encounter another ship, full of piratical women.
Johnny D - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
"too much of a goo thing", LOL !!!
Johnny D - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh come on, JB, do it, go for it, I think V more ever-increasingly-gooey Ancient Mariner parodies would be hysterical, really! The CLIMACTIC installment could have a whale of a blowhole-blast in every line, ARRRHH MATEY!
John Barry - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
JD, I'll give it some thought.

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