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Song Parodies -> "They're Either Three Ones or Three Fives"

Original Song Title:

"They're Either Too Young or Too Old"

Original Performer:

Rosemary Clooney

Parody Song Title:

"They're Either Three Ones or Three Fives"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

The electorate at amIright has become about as polarized as the US voting population. Fewer and fewer votes are in the middle range. But many authors have come to expect an occasional (or regular) raspberry in with the raves. TOS promised a WW II soldier, away for the duration, that his girl would remain faithful, not because he was so unique, but because the draft rejects and other stateside males were not her type or generation.
They're either three ones or three fives;
They're either dismayed or too blasted keen,
Their ratings are sure, there's no in-between.
What's right [1] will never jar me;
What's left [2] will never tar me.

They either were sold or threw dung.
So, darling, you've never been stung?
So far, One-bomber's liking what you write about, I guess;
I get lowballs from Pan-da who is happy to aggress.

They either are galled or strew gold.
My sounds don't appeal, scare bland a$$h0le set; [3]
That fart must be choosing to get upset.
I simply can't compel that dude
To blow the scene and not be rude.

I'm either the worst death could bring,
Or else I've hilarious sting. [4]
I either get a fiver or a bad old stick-it-up,
I either have to shoulder scoff,
Or else can hold head up.
The battle is on in the sport stressing puns,
Where guys [5] can be hung with three ones.
[1] In the voting area, fives (lots) are on the far right.
[2] In the voting area, ones (little) are on the far left.
[3] I apologize, but TOS lyric was "wheelchair and bassinet."
[4] These are others' opinions, not mine.
[5] ... or gals

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   6
 5
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
BJM - Again, I KNOW this OS. And I know the sting of the bomber as nobody here does. Good observation...civility is as dead here as in the election. ;D
Mark Scotti - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Hope you get NO bombs here, as this was wonderfully done!
Barry J. Mitchel - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR: Your repertoire is as large as your generosity with v & c. I, unlike you, heard this on radio in the Korean "police action" era, and maybe even when Bette Davis debuted it in 1943.
MS: Thanks; I go apolitical occasionally, but unobomber won't like my name-calling.
Fiddlegirl - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Great choice for OS... with masterful pacing, syllable match, and entertaining content to boot! (That's "to boot", not "to boo", which I would never do to BJM... except maybe on Halloween.. but I digress.) 555
Christie Marie M - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job, Barry! Yeah, I don't always get perfect 5's on every parody I write. I kind of blame myself because sometimes I tend to rush into things because I'm either too busy with work and some other things. You certainly get your three 5's for this one!
Barry J. Mitchel - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Fg: Thanks for comparing this to TOS. I can't wait for your surprise on All Ghouls Day! -( ;-)}
CMM: Thanks; I think all above have been hit with undeserved 1s. Perfection won't change that.
Add Me To The List - October 01, 2010 - Report this comment
... of those hit. DKTOS, but can't be said too often, and well-executed. 555.

By coincidence, I have another on the same topic, already written, which is probably going to post *next* Friday. Good job of piling more just desserts on those who just deserve them - TT.
Barry J. Mitchel - October 02, 2010 - Report this comment
AM TT L: Nothing you write ever deserves a 1, but I'll look eagerly for your "revenge" next week. I'm glad UDKTOS, or you would have chided me for omitting its middle stanza, which I thought was silly & unparodiable.
Oh, Great - Now I Have To Look Up TOS - October 02, 2010 - Report this comment
Shoulda' quit while you were ahead. :)
*Nothing* is unparodiable, as per comment at your other post Friday, and the sillier, the riper the target,

Not going to, though, partly because I want to finish some of my own works-in-progress, and also because I'm still in a glass house, so to speak, over hyperbolic quadratic des-equation (desecration). But why didn't all those commenters above who KTOS say anything? ... no matter. Cheers.

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