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Song Parodies -> "Heavenly Thick Ham Bones"

Original Song Title:

"Seventy-Six Trombones"

Original Performer:

Robert Preston

Parody Song Title:

"Heavenly Thick Ham Bones"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

Friends, Family, lend me your attention, please..
I'm here to make miracles bubble now,
They'll make waves, something grand from my own hand
Please relax a while and chill
Not too long from now, you'll thrill
when, It's gonna' feast your eyes, that Lima River, so grand!

(Bread and bun roll)

Believe, Dear ones, how could Paula Deen,
Ever hope to compete
With such fine ham bones -
Ta-ta, a la, la, la, la, la, oompah!
Just ponder, Dear ones, what a bowlful of my ham/bean stew
Will do to your appetites, prime teasing till
Your intestinal wall will be rumblin' round!
Oh, a bowl will do it, my friends, oh yes, I mean a large bowl,
Maybe seconds..
I say this old kitchen's gonna' rock like I planned
We shall be feastin', today!
A tasty mess a' ham n' beans are on hand,
And they are gonna' be grand..
As sure as the Lord made Baby Limas!
You are all gonna' be in hunger-form - Grandpa, Hubert, Bubba, Ned -
And you'll hear the splashes of filling rim-bowls
Then there'll be the spooning of fingers - thumbs
Great glimmer of ham bones! ta ta ta!
You will taste something akin to an ecstatic thrill never before enjoyed
By anyone, anywhere, anytime, since the great creator
Made good eats handy to fill up you - suh!
In a few short hours, this will be a historic day!


Heavenly thick ham bones
Tenderly, I lay
In a couple a' pounds of soaked lima beans
Pretty soon they'll be piping hot
In my kitchen cooking pot, here
At home, somewhere in New Orleans

Heavenly thick ham bones
Lib'ral rich lean meat
From our Prize winning Fair hog's firm big behind
Pork developed from Fall corn feeds
Grown of hybrid seeds
Sacrificed - hope PETA doesn't mind..

In my copper bottom kettle they'll, of course, cook soon
Gurgling, gurgling - low, like horses neigh
Limas from the garden batch - picked early June,
Supper soon, big bowls, to spoon away..

Hope to hear some complimenting & much flattery
Rib stacking, lip smacking, - bean frenzy, galore
Old bean vets, well seasoned guys
With held-out bowls, and anxious eyes,
Will treat tongues and soon yell, "Gimme more!

(Simmering break)

Buzzardly clean ham bones hit the countertop
Transferred from pot to pots of the group
Very soon there'll be tunes of gas
Played from stuffed butts - when they pass
All that's left of my good Lima soup.

All that's left of my good Lima soup.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   13
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 13
 

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
HAMtastic-555!
John Barry - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Perfect porkfest.
Leough - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
555! This was great, but I would have enjoyed it even more had I not had pork and beans soup yesterday!
Dave W. - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
mmmm that was magnifique (burp) oops excusez moi
Timmy1000 - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Mmmmmm good! I'm hungry.
RickC - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Loved the title and what followed it! 555
John Jenkins - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Two wonderful "Heavenly thick ham bones" verses.
Lifeliver - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Great stuff, AFW - good to see these golden-age musicals being reprised. Some great subs here - 'fill up you suh' was a ripper. Only problem for me was the lyrics are so rapid-fire and densely packed it was difficult to keep up against the OS. Can't give you 776s so you'll have to settle for the max.
WarrenB - December 01, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of flavor, here. And the PETA line cracked me up!
AFW - December 01, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks, all, for votes and comments
Meriadoc - December 04, 2012 - Report this comment
The title alone was worth fives.
AFW - December 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks, Meri
LilCupCake - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Great, Sir L'Air de Farce und our Mighty Trombone!
AFW - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks, again, Miss Cake...you have been truly missed these past months...

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