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Song Parodies -> "Homeland Security"

Original Song Title:

"Home For The Holidays"

Original Performer:

Perry Como

Parody Song Title:

"Homeland Security"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

The anecdotes of abuse during airport searches continue to be reported. I allude to two in my parody of TOS about holiday travel in a bygone time.
Oh, in no case, fly home for the holiday,
‘Cause the chatter's now, "Car's the way to roam."
'Less you've spine for the grunt line of the TSA,
For the holidays, your pants seat's safe at home.

I let a man who gives grin menace me;
He says, "Spread all fours,"
Sends dull pain via hands that roam staid junk in fly.
From tense still cranium, strokes are travelin’
Down betwixt knees, buns and drawers.
From his antics too specific,
Flee; the aftermath's horrific!

I, at slow pace, hike home where I fall and stay,
‘Cause I'm shattered, now far too dazed to roam.
If you want to feel sappy in a chilling way,
For the holidays, take chances, fly from home.

Take a bus, take a train.
No, can't hop an aeroplane.
Put the wife and kiddies in the family car.
To avoid the pat-down sting
When you fear that sure bell's ring, [1]
No trip could be too far.

I met a man who lives with ostomy;
He is headin’ for
Vent spill draining; then comes home aide, pumps bin dry.
From pent-up mania, folks bar travelin’
'Round to mix with fam'ly more.
From Pacific to Atlantic,
See, the traffic isn't frantic.

Oh, there's no grace in Homeland Security.
‘Cause close pat-downs now jar, we'll stay at home.
If you want to recapture many million strays,
For the holidays, you can’t treat folks like gnomes.
End this folly, hazing, scanning; comb zee dome! [2]
[1] The alarm that sounds from the metal detector or scanner.
[2] That is, implement the best ideas such as El Al Airlines employs.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   3
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User Comments

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AFW - November 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Some very good subs to an old, and very recognizable classic Christmas song
John Barry - November 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Cómo va esta parodia? Bien!
Barry J. Mitchel - November 30, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: Thanks; subbing for the proper names in TOS (Tennessee {twice}, Pennsylvania {4 places}, Dixie's sunny shore {twice}) was a special challenge.
Dana Mathewson - December 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job, Barry. Glad we have no flights in our future! Such things are traumatic enough without the physical exams!

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