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Song Parodies -> "Is Your Purse A Gun Holder (Or On Your Period?)"

Original Song Title:

"Put Your Head On My Shoulder"

Original Performer:

Paul Anka

Parody Song Title:

"Is Your Purse A Gun Holder (Or On Your Period?)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

True story -- no one could make this up. This school bans purses as a "security measure", but it's OK for girls to carry a purse if they presently need it to hold menstrual supplies. So, a security guard asks a 14-year-old girl who is carrying a purse, "Do you have your period?" Story here.

Is your purse a gun holder?
Are you bearing arms, Baby?
Put it all in sight (Show me...)
Show me one Kotex™, or two

Put your purse on the table
Open up your bag, Baby
Show me maxi-pad; maybe
I will let you into school

Be this way, or people claim --
The terrorists will win
If it's your "day"
A purse is OK
For girls, this school brings blush in

Could they be any colder?
Whisper? Not! I'll shout, "Baby, --
"Menstruating, dear? Tell me...
"Tell me you're not overdue"

Though you're fourteen, no older
Bring you close to tears, Baby
Crazy terror fears, maybe
As all sane people smolder

Only in America. © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know which would be more dangerous: a crazed gunman or a teenager at "that time of the month". I think I'd take my chances dodging a bullet. Great stuff, TT
Jason - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I agree with Kristof's comment
Matthias - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
The combination of the two is dangerous. That time of the month with a loaded gun.... You'd better watch the f*ck out!
McKludge - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
If a teenaged girl can't bring a Playtex to school, then the terrorists win. 555
alvin - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
what's that shoved in your pursey ?....funny story...funny parody
Rex - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
TODAY'S NEWS - So what's Bruce doing with a purse? Hey, wait a minute... Unbelievable story, excellent parody.
AFW - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny parody...period
Tommy Turtle - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof Robertson, thanks
Jason, thanks.
Matthias, thanks.
McKludge: True enough -- thanks.
alvin: Tsk, tsk! (lol) thanks.
Rex: Hmm, there's a different angle... thanks.
AFW, thanks.
2Eagle - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Good idea. That is no surprise since schools have zero tolerance policies on everything. By the way, that comment about teens on their periods is ageist as well as sexist.
Project Sisyphus - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow. Great parody, and it's only a matter of time before a BOY's family sues because their son should have the right to bring a purse to school too, to express his feminine side.
PMS - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
You did this to purse-fection
TT - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
2Eagle, thanks for vote and very thoughtful comment.
Project Sisyphus, or if he has a sudden ... uh, "woody", and the school thinks he's smuggling dynamite... well, it sorta is lol. thanks.
PMS, if anyone would know.. (lol!) thanks P!
Guy - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
They`ve gone for rags, they`re b*tches Anyone know of this golden oldie? Congrats for writing the 1st ragtime parody on the site. Suggest a 5 day grace PERIOD on all muff bags, Mon morning at Tri-Valley Central: Sign in PC at entrance instructs female students to indicate in the radial dials by 3 clicks in the 5s column if you are at that `special` time of the month and if not indicate how many weeks it has been since your last by clicking dials 1-4. Sheesh & resist already!
Chatty Cathy - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Pull that string one more time - I dare ya.
Joe Haynes - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I like the little tm symbol next to Kotex. It ensures you have not infringed on the company's copright. BTW, why do all feminine product brands end in -ex or-ax? TampAX KotEX PlatEX Good job.
TJC - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Great write, and I'm not just speculumating here! And, as they say in Dallas, "With twelve votes so far, this FTD's (Fine Tommy Doggerel) gettin' a whole lotta play, Tex!"
TT - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Guy: Thanks much... there have been other "ragtime" (lol! good one) parodies on this site, e. g. (cough) "Got A Tampon, Please"

Chatty Cathy, ROFL! Great callback to an old reference :)

Joe Haynes: What about OB? lol. Thanks, Joe. (TT uesd to put registered tm in the outro with a link to the company's website, but then figured no one ever went there, so why bother? But as for respecting tm and copyright, absolutely.)

TJC: Thanks for the vagynecological pun and comment :)
Guy - October 20, 2007 - Report this comment
OK TT you got me - I'm Chatty Cathy but only in dRAG. Check the Geiko commercials on the telly. It was a quote from that.
Nelson Muntz - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Who cares, as long as they don't make me bleed my own blood. HA HA
TT - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Guy, it was a good one :)
Nelson Muntz, thanks.
Guy - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Who, me? I Ain't bled since last Saturday when I ate some road and road rashed my elbow on my bike after hitting a speed bump doing a 180 turn out of a school parking lot going way too fast. Hit the curb & handle bars did a 180 parking bike neatly at about a 55 degree angle on the curb which came to a dead stop. Bike stopped; I did not. At least for the next 6 or 7 feet where I skidded on elbow to a pain throbbing stop on the side walk. I made me bleed myself. I was only trying to get some exercise, honest.
Now That It's Been Almost Four Years... - August 05, 2011 - Report this comment
.... almost everyone missed the point. (McKludge apparently got it.) There was nothing at all funny about this situation, which would have been apparent to anyone who read the intro, much less the linked story. The parody was mocking the ridiculous extremes to which we've gone in the name of "security", and mocking the guard himself, *not* teenage girls or their health issues and any associated mood disorders.. Sheesh.

OK, back into the shell again....

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