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Song Parodies -> "That Pizza Man (Herman Cain)"

Original Song Title:

"The Muffin Man"

Original Performer:

Nursery Rhyme

Parody Song Title:

"That Pizza Man (Herman Cain)"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

The current leader of the GOP pack has inadequate name recognition among voters. I try to correct this here, by expanding TOS from two to eight stanzas in a meager attempt to encapsulate his background and varied experience.
Oh do you know that street-smart man,
The tough-skinned man Dem stuffed shirts pan
As Godfather's head pizza man?
Blue Lib's skin Herman Cain.

I guess I know the feats this man
Has stuffed into a rough life span.
With press, this bro's no bluffin' man;
That gives pink blues migraine.

So long ago, his life began.
His father was a chauffeur an'
His mother kept hotel rooms san'.
Unpriv'leged, drew wee gain.

They groomed him for a college plan;
With math and compu-sci, he ran. [1]
For Navy, Coke and Pillsb'ry's Man,
He exercised his brain. [2]

At Pillsbury, this businessman
Wrote Burger King's revival plan,
Then bought P's pizza joints (My lan'!)
And stanched their money drain.

He served as chair of N.R.A., [3]
Showed Fed Reserve the prudent way;
While Chair at Kansas City, may
Have pushed against the grain.

As talk-show host, was in deman'; [4]
Defeated cancer in some glan'.
With help from patriots, he can
Cure D.C.'s cancer pain.

This duly shows I'm buffin' fan; [5]
Enough can't hear off-cuff, Her-man!
With truth, you'll blow 'way gruffest man,
That shiv Barack Hussein!
[1] Bachelor's & Master's degrees, repectively
[2] VP of corporate data systems
[3] National Restaurant Association
[4] At WSB in Atlanta and frequent sub on national shows
[5] AKA apple polisher

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
BJM - Following the lead of the Singapore judicial system, I sentence the left to a "Caining". Fine job here. ;D
Patrick - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
AIR is as good a source of info on politics as Drudge Report, and much more entertaining. When I saw "N.R.A.", I thought about a different lobbying group. I don't think Cain has published any position on guns, yet. The man does look presidential. Certainly more qualified than the current occupant of a public housing project at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. Even after the current occupant has had four years "experience".
John Barry - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
I can't give you 9-9-9, so here's 5-5-5. The security code is CUL, a French word that pretty much describes every candidate and incumbent.
Hu's On First - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
I don't remember Cain ever talking about guns either. I think it's ironic that the NRA endorsed John McCain in 2008 despite the fact that McCain supports gun control and received a F- rating from them on gun issues. If that organization had any principles, they would have endorsed Bob Barr instead, IMHO. Actually, maybe it isn't so ironic. When the NRA got started it was an organization that actually _favored_ gun control. It wasn't until the 1970's that a bunch of gun control opponents decided to "take over" the organzation, and they succeeded, leaving us with the NRA we know today.
Christie Marie M - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Great trib to Herman Cain. I always recognize Cain's name every time I would dine in Godfather's Pizza! And I do hope he blows way to Barack Obam, like you mentioned in the last stanza! Now just reading/ singing this satire made me want pizza. Very catchy and well written! 555.
Barry J. Mitchel - October 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, first 5 commentors and 4 voters. Cain's Achilles' Heel may be foreign policy, but anyone is better at that than the Apologist-in-Chief.

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